Well...

I decided what to do. And unlike the last time, I made this decision alone, consulted no one, and surprisingly I feel very certain and I don't feel conflicted about it. I made my own bed, and now I will be lying in it, happily.

Happy Monday all!!

Today's Pisces Horoscope

Pisces

2/19 – 3/20

Overview

There's no way to change the past, so you need to settle in and be comfortable with it. What you did (or didn't do) will fade as time progresses, which means it's time to look ahead and leave all of the bad memories behind you. As you wait for the negative feelings to subside, your patience will get you through the rough parts -- and the people who love you will offer great distractions. Get with your friends, and remind yourself about the bright future ahead.

Friday Favorites

Today has been such an amazing, beautiful day, and it's far from over!!! Some of my favorite moments from today:

* Waking up smiling and happy
* Dancing in front of the mirror while I got ready for work
* Spritzing on my favorite perfume
* Getting Sadie kisses and giggles
* Having a picnic at the park with the girls
* Swinging on the swings until my legs were sore
* Singing and laughing in the car with the sun shining and the wind blowing
* Eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
* Talking to one of my favorite people on the phone:)
* Laughing at nothing at all!!

I am having such a wonderful, lovely day!! And I just know that this day has many more beautiful moments for me:)

What are your favorite moments, so far, from today?! I hope everyone else is having an incredible day!!! Happy Friday!!!!

Not My Secret...

... but at the same time it is. I found this on http://www.postsecret.com/ . This is something you should NEVER, EVER say to someone grieving any kind of loss. But oh, I heard it a million and one times...

Next time, try a hug. Or an "I'm sorry" will do. I know this seems harsh. But please, please, please don't hurt someone more by trying to say something you think is comforting. It's not.

Four Words

The. Week. From. Hell.

These four words sum up the last week for me. The Universe is seriously kicking my ass right now!!! But I don't know why!! But even as I write this I am laughing hysterically, partly because one of my little girls just said the funniest thing EVER, and partly because you can only cry so much at how much life sucks sometimes.

So in saying that, I hope your Thursday is going a hell of a lot better than mine!!!

All Alone

Living alone is AWESOME!!!!!! I may have to live by myself for the rest of my life. Everything is where I want it, the temperature is always where I like it, and the thing I love most is the absolute QUIET. How did I ever live any other way?

I have to admit that the first night I did have a mini freak out. But by the next day I was completely in love with being in my own apartment. I think it's going to take a while to get it furnished and decorated the way I like it, but I'm okay with that! I'm currently on the lookout for the perfect living room set. I have somewhat of an idea of what I want to do with my living room. but I'm waiting to find something that I fall in love with.

Happy Wednesday!!

Waiting in Vain

This song has been stuck in my head for weeks... I'm not complaining!!

Sex and Lucia

Loved. This. Film!!!!! I'm usually a fan of foreign films, and this one, directed by Julio Medem, did not disappoint! It makes me want to Netflix everything else he's done! It was sexy and interesting, the acting was amazing, the plot was dramatic and complex, and the movie was visually beautiful. Oh and there was lots of nudity, which I was not complaining about!! Rent it!!

Car Woes

My car needs work. Again. I don't know if all cars are like this, but I feel like I'm always pouring more money into that thing!! I hate it! This time around I need to replace the head gasket. And it's going to cost me a pretty penny. The repairs are about $1000. Not to mention the $700 I just spent on it in October. Good grief!! I feel like I'm hemorrhaging money these days!! Sometimes I wonder if I should just buy a new one. But then I would have much higher car insurance payments, and a monthly car payment. For now I've decided to stick with it and fix it. I guess... Really I'm not sure. What would you do?...

Out of the Woodwork

Being single again is a funny thing. It really hasn't been that long since I've been unattached, and yet I can't begin to count how many guys, who are aware of what I've gone through, that have been pursuing me. And a surprising number of them are exes. I mean I just ended an engagement, had a miscarriage, and completely turned my life upside down by moving 3,000 miles. How about giving me some breathing room? I would think that this is definitely one situation where it's preferable for the girl to make the first move, no? And unless these guys are just looking for sex, which is entirely possible, who would want to be the first guy to hang out with me after that kind of craziness? Or maybe they are not thinking that far ahead. I'm not really sure what to make of all of these guys coming out of the woodwork. But I must say I am flattered. Although that may end after this blog post:) I don't know. Just thinking aloud and rambling. I think I'm delirious from lack of sleep. So on that note I say Good Night!!

Getting Older

My birthday is a little over a month away, and I'm freaking out about turning 27. I've realized lately that little things are making me feel so old! For example:

* When drinking caffeine after 2pm keeps me awake at night. I noticed this like two years ago. I remember being able to drink 6 Diet Cokes a day and still sleep like a baby.

* When I throw my back out (it happened 2x in the last year!!).

* When the kids on Real World look and sound like, well, KIDS. I remember when I was younger and thinking "Wow they seem so grown-up!". Not so much anymore.


* When the children I babysit for introduce me to a new pop star or song (which btw is kind of embarrassing). "Whip My Hair" and Nicki Minaj are two I can think off the top of my head.

* When I find alarming amounts of gray hair (yikes!!!).

* When a guy hits on me, then tells me his age, and he's younger than me. I remember when EVERYONE was older than me and I never asked a guy how old he was before a date.

* When I only have to use one hand to count how many more years until I'm 30.

This getting older thing is probably not as bad as I'm making it out to be, but it's daunting nevertheless. And I can't stop freaking out about it!! Hopefully after my birthday passes I'll get used to being in my late 20's. Here's hoping!!

A Case of the Mondays

This day has been going down hill since I woke up and it feels like it may continue that way. It's been so awful that it feels like a Monday. Anyone else feeling this way? I'm tired and grumpy and stressed out and feeling blue. And I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions by everyone! I need a vacation. I hope that today gets better.

Monday Mind Dump

* I had a grumpy day. I think it's because I only managed to get about 4 hours of sleep last night, and they were not restful hours. I will be going to bed at 8:30 tonight.

* I think I met someone today. It may turn out to be nothing. I was pretty surprised actually when he asked for my number. I'm still a little unsure of how to feel about it...

* I'm starving but I'm too tired to go make anything.

* Have I mentioned I'm tired? I can't even muster the energy to be excited about tomorrow.

This is a pitiful post. I'm pitiful. Really, I got nothing. Have a good night all.

Mortifying Moments

Ever have such an embarrassing moment that you can't help but to remember it for years?! Well there is one such moment that is inexplicably running through my head, and has been since yesterday morning. Every single time I think of it I want to die of embarrassment and a little from laughter. I should get over this because while there were dozens of people who witnessed it, only one person among them was one I knew and I don't even talk to him anymore. So why can't I get this out of my head?!?! It's driving me nuts.

Hello Lover

My old love, a size 6, is back in my life!!!! I haven't been a size 6 since I was 22!!!! Yay!!!! How excited am I?! Not that I'm bragging (but really I am!) when you can pull your jeans on and off without unbuttoning them, it's time for a new wardrobe and a bit of celebration!!! I feel skinny!!! My oh my has it been a good day:)

Joy

Slowly but surely my joy is coming back. I have been so happy these past few days. I want very much to keep feeling like this, because it feels so much like who I used to be, just a bit older and wiser.

I hope you all are having a beautiful weekend!! I know I am!! Happy Sunday:)

What Was I Thinking?!

Some days I can't help but to kick myself and scream repeatedly "What was I thinking?!". But then I remember that everything happens for a reason, and that I learned many little lessons, and several huge ones, from everything that I've gone through especially in the past year. Growth, progress and awareness go hand in hand with mistakes, stumbles and falls. And I'm learning to be okay with that. Everything I'm going through will make me a stronger, smarter, kinder, more understanding person, wife, and mother some day. And I'm learning to be okay with that too!!

Snow Storm of 2011

At The Moment

What I'm up to at the moment...

Reading:

Listening to:

Hanging out with:

Drinking:

Happy Friday

I'm feeling so good today!! I had warm, fuzzy, sweet dreams last night. I think that's why I woke up smiling and singing. I'm working today, going out tonight, working tomorrow, then shopping and a pedicure are on my agenda for Sunday! I'm looking forward to the next few days. It feels so wonderful to smile and laugh and be happy about nothing in particular!! Let's hope this feeling lasts:)

Happy Friday all!!

Free Your Mind Friday

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Denise and her family, Granny, Pam and the boys, my mom and siblings.


42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No. Now extremely rich is another thing...


43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
I think taking conscious steps toward being happy and experiencing what you want out of life instead of just getting through the day is the difference.


44. When is it time to stop calculating risks and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
For me, it's when my heart is telling me to do it. Although I have to admit I've lived my life following my heart, and I succeed just as often as I fail. And failing after following your heart is a hard blow to take, but I wouldn't live any other way.


45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Like I said failing sucks! And it hurts. And it's hard to pick yourself back up and go on. But I think that's the point sometimes. To realize that you can be at your lowest, that life can be more awful than you have ever imagined, that you don't know how you can handle the pain, but you still go on. It's incredible to know that even after feeling all of that, things will get better. You will be okay. Life goes on.


46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Not much. I think I live my life knowing that some people may have thoughts and opinions about what I'm doing, but I don't think that stops me.


47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
When I read this question! But before that when I was in the car a few days ago and I turned the radio off to chant. Before I started I was quiet for a minute or two. I noticed a lot of things in the quiet, my breathing being one of them.


48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love love and I love people. I love music and romance and the beach and reading and babies. I love taking drives and sleeping in and eating yummy foods and singing out loud. I love talking and laughing and dancing and hugging and dreaming. I love skipping and napping and smiling and kissing and making others happy. I have a lot of love in me. I always joke that if I have met you more than twice, that I love you. Loving comes very easily to me. I love so many things, that it's a very rare thing for me to let even an hour or two go by without doing something I love. So yes, I think living, in and of itself, openly expresses my love for what I love.


49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
No, I don't think so. I don't feel as if I've done anything remarkable enough in the last few days that would make me think back five years from now.


50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I think I constantly struggle with this. I try to make my own decisions in life. But I think I have a personality that makes me easily influenced and led by others. Sometimes I'm happy to be led. Other times I am all about doing what I want, when I want and how I want. My dilemma is figuring out which way is the best way in that moment.

Recipe: Chocolate Chip Cookies

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but prior to yesterday I had never made chocolate chip cookies from scratch. So this is one of the recipes I tried for my goal of trying out 10 new recipes. You can also substitute all ingredients with organic ingredients. Enjoy!

Chocolate Chip Cookies
- 2 1/4 cups of flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
- 3/4 cup sugar
- 3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
- 2 eggs
- 2 cups chocolate chips
- 1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)

* Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Stir flour, baking soda and salt together. Set aside. In separate bowl beat butter, sugar and brown sugar at medium speed until creamy. Add vanilla and eggs to creamy mixture at low speed. Gradually blend dry mixture into creamy mixture. Stir in chocolate chips. Drop dough by tablespoon onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 8-10 minutes.

A Good Friend

Today I lost someone I considered a good friend. With all the loss in my life lately I did not take it lightly. At first I was so angry at what was being said to me and about me, but as the day went on all I felt was sadness and hurt. I'm not sure where we got our signals crossed, or who misunderstood what, but the damage that is done feels irreparable. Maybe we were just too different. Maybe we wanted different things out of the friendship which caused strain and hurt feelings. Maybe we just misunderstood each other. Or maybe what I'm going through in my life at the moment is just too much to expect someone else to go through with me. Completely understandable. Whatever the reason, my heart is hurting tonight. I know I will always think of this friend. They were an amazing friend, who helped me through an extremely rough time in our too short friendship. I hope this isn't the end of our story. But if it is, I will always be grateful and thankful for the time I had.

Scared Silly

I love horror movies. Ordinarily I can only watch them with other people, but the last few days I've been on a solo scary movie bender. Some have been cheesy, some have awful acting, but I've been scared at some point in every one of them. I imagine that this mini-obsession will end just in time for the move to my new place. As usual, I have amazing timing. Here are a few I've seen over the past three days:

What are your favorite horror films?

Change of Heart

Today I decided to end my blog and deactivate my Facebook. It was a very impulsive, emotional decision. My sister convinced me, however, that despite some people getting the wrong idea and assuming things from what I post, that I should continue to have an outlet for my feelings. And I do feel better when I write things out, even if no one is reading them, hence my love of journaling. So after taking the afternoon to think about it, I followed her advice to resume both Facebook and blogging. So hello, and I hope you're having a good evening. I am :)

The End

Really, what's the point?

Irony

It's coming from every which way except the direction I want it to come from. It figures.

Monday Mind Dump

* I'm feeling pretty happy today:)

* This snow is so amazing!! I haven't played in or seen this much snow since I was 10 years old. I went out in it last night with Denise. She abandoned me after 60 seconds though, because her socks got wet. I stayed out and played for a bit by myself. and ate a bunch of it. Is that gross? It was clean, I promise!!

* Therapy cancelled today because a majority of the roads are blocked off around town. I'm a little disappointed about that since it's been weeks since I talked to anyone. I'm anxious to get back and start working through so many things.

* I rejoined Netflix and spent most of last night and today watching scary movies. Love it!!!!

* S makes the most amazing sounds. One of them is this incredibly high pitched screech, which I think makes her sound like a Baby Pterodactyl. I thought of making that her nickname but I'm not sure D & P would approve.

* I can't stop dreaming about, Googling pictures of, planning trips to, and shopping for THE BEACH. What is wrong with me? I think I have tropical fever. And worse I keep trying to plan trips but I have no one to go with. Sad, lonely, cold Kourtnie. Guess I'll go frolic and drink fruity drinks and swim and take naps and long walks and snorkel by myself. Maybe I'll meet a handsome stranger to whisk me away.... Wait a second, I already did that. Scrap that idea:)

* Setting up utilities is tedious and boring and more hours on the phone than I ever imagined. Sigh.

* I still can't believe I'M MOVING INTO MY OWN PLACE!!!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!! The excitement has definitely not worn off yet!!!!! If I was able I'd be out shopping for furniture this instant.

* This might be embarrassing to him, but I think it was funny. I was hit on by one of my uncles on Facebook, who is 69, by the way. Priceless. And random.

That's all for now. Happy Monday!! And I hope everyone here is enjoying their Snow Day!!!!

On My Own

I've always been conflicted about living alone. When I was younger, about 16 or so, I made a list of things to do before I got married and living alone was on it. But as an adult I realized that being alone is hard for me. So I thought that I would just live with roommates until I got married. Then over the holidays I had the opportunity to house sit for a few weeks. It hit me that not only could I manage to be by myself, but I actually liked it!! So I started the process of wrapping my head around choosing to find a place of my own. Fast forward to this past Saturday. I was browsing Craigslist half-heartedly for an apartment when I saw one that looked decent and in my price range. Well a phone call turned into a visit, which turned into a tour, which turned into me submitting an application, and before I knew what I was really doing I signed the lease to my new apartment. I spent the rest of the day and most of today alternating between freaking out and being excited and mentally decorating my new place.

This is such a HUGE step for me. I am so thankful and grateful that I'm able to do it, but it is still a little overwhelming!! Part of me is scared out of my mind and part of me feels so alive and independent because of this decision. I can't believe I will cook and clean and watch television and go to bed and wake up ALL ALONE.

I've already learned my new address, forwarded my mail and set up all my utilities. So my next step is waiting for my move in day, which is the 18th, and trying to acquire some furniture before then. Sadly when I moved to St John I gave away every stick of furniture I owned, including my prize possession that I was more in love with than pizza: my king size bed. I seriously, truly, fully adored that bed like nothing else. It makes me sad that I was such a dumb A-double-S to sell it.

So now for the hard stuff: figuring out how I'm going to decorate the place!!!!! I am so super excited about that. In a way I'm kind of glad I got rid of everything (BUT the bed) before moving away. Now I can start fresh and invest a bit more money into things. I figure I'm going to be there for a while so I'm going to take my time settling in and finding pieces that I really like, instead of just having a mis-matched, thrown together apartment. But to be honest my first priorities are a television and a bed. In that order. Just kidding, but not really!!

Wish me luck in moving!!! I think it's one of the most tedious and boring things a human has to do. But when it's all over I'll be dropping invites in the mail for a house-warming party!! Woohoo!!

Self Preservation

This is an interesting theory that my sister came up with: Today I realized a few startling things. It occurred to me that a) I can't even begin to imagine being pregnant or having a baby any time soon, b) I can't even begin to imagine planning a wedding or the thought of being married and c) looking back on the last year of my life seems surreal and almost impossible. I feel pretty nuts thinking and admitting these things to myself, but they are all true. My sister called it self preservation. She thinks this is my mind's way of coping with all of the loss that I've experienced. Am I protecting myself mentally and emotionally by convincing myself that I didn't really want those things and that I wasn't ready for them? Is it my mind's way of starting to heal by making things seem sort of fuzzy and make-believe? I don't know. Everything I've been experiencing is completely new to me, so I guess this is right there with it.

Knight and Day

I LOVED it!!!! For the record I think Tom Cruise is a nut job in real life. But that doesn't stop me from watching and loving every movie he makes!!!! For some reason Cameron Diaz played the "dumb blonde" stereotype to perfection, which is so unlike her and really annoyed me! But there was romance, explosions, crazy car chases, funny one-liners, and tropical scenery involved. What's not to love? I'd watch it again!

Free Your Mind Friday

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
During the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I felt powerful and magical and so full of life and joy. It's a feeling I have never felt before in my life, and even now it's very hard to describe properly.


32. If not now, then when?
Well of course now. But to be honest this attitude is what has landed me into more trouble but also happiness than I have ever bargained for!


33. If you haven't achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
My pride, maybe. But that has never stopped me before.


34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Um, no.


35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
I think everyone has a need to feel right and validated and accepted. And sometimes when it comes to something so important and personal as their beliefs people find it difficult to agree to disagree. I think this is sad and unfortunate, but the truth.


36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No. I don't believe in black and white. I think there are a million shades of gray. What is wrong for me may be perfect for you and vice versa. I was going to say maybe killing someone is obviously evil, but what if they were trying to hurt or kill someone I loved dearly? Then I could justify it in my mind. I don't think anything is always, absolutely either/or.


37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No, but I would ask for some time off for an awesome vacation!!!!!!!!


38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
I wouldn't mind doing more work if I enjoyed it. I think it would make me happy to be busy doing something I love.


39. Do you feel like you've lived this day a hundred times before?
Nope. Every single day feels different to me.


40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I think this is such a weird question. But probably December 24th, 2009.

The Dating Game

Okay. It's been some time, but I guess I'm officially back in the dating game. This doesn't mean that I am actively dating per se, but I've decided that I'm opening myself up to date again. I used to love dating. There was definitely a time where I was on anywhere from 2 to 10 dates in a single week (I think a personal record was 6 dates in one weekend). I was young and having fun and really enjoying myself with lots of different guys and interesting (or not!) conversations and going to new restaurants and bars. What's not to like? You get dressed up, someone tells you how pretty you are, after a few drinks you're both laughing and hopefully enjoying each other's company all the while trying whatever "cool" restaurant happens to be good that week.

But that was then. I felt young and carefree and happy and unencumbered with anything too serious in life. I definitely don't feel any of those things now. I am absolutely not looking for a relationship at all, for a long time. But I don't think it would hurt to take my mind off of things by hanging out, meeting new people and having someone to have fun with. I guess we'll see how this goes. Wish me luck!!!!

Today

I am thoroughly embarrassed. I was out to dinner last night to celebrate a friend's birthday. Near the end of the meal I felt my heart start racing and an overwhelming need to escape from the table. I made my excuses and practically ran from the restaurant, only saying goodbye to 2 or 3 people out of the 12 or so that were there. I barely made it out the door before I became hysterical and started hyperventilating and sobbing. It was one of the worse anxiety attacks that I've experienced since I started having them about 3 months ago. As I walked to my car several people, including a police officer, stopped to ask if I was okay. I was mortified. My anxiety attack spiraled my mood down into the dumps where it stayed for the evening, hence my very emotional and depressing post from last night.

It's funny that now, today, I feel fine. Actually, I feel more than fine. I feel pretty good. I love life and I know I have so much to look forward to. I love my friends, I love the family that I get along with, I love my job. I love having trips and chores and experiences and mundane things to look forward to. Yes life is pretty hard right now, but I know that it will get better, easier and less arduous as time goes on. I know that I have so much to work on in myself, but I am up for that challenge.

My problem is when I descend into despair and heartache, like I did last night, I don't know how to pull myself out of it. Actually there is NOTHING so far that I've tried (barring Xanax) that has helped me. I've tried walks, yoga, deep breathing, watching tv, reading, talking, journaling, crying it out, drinking (Big Mistake every time, by the way) eating, sleeping and everything in between to stop these feelings. And nothing helps. I think on that note it's time to see my doctor again.

I received some emails and phone calls last night from people who were concerned. Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I was concerned too, which I think is why I was calling out for help. Believe me, as awful as it is to hear someone say they are so sad they want to die, it's that much more terrible to be the person who feels that way.

But today is a new day. It seems bright and shiny and full of possibilities and hopes. And I'm looking forward to everything it has to give me, unless of course it's another anxiety attack:)

Happy Thursday all!!

How Do You?

If the people who are supposed to love you more than anything in the world don't, then what?

How do you find comfort in a world where your mother hates and envies you in equal parts?

How do you learn to love yourself when your father has never set eyes on you even after learning of your existence?

How do you keep trusting people after you find yourself in abusive relationships time and time again?

How do you keep your heart open after searching all your life for love and acceptance and failing to find it?

I am a sad, lonely, heart-broken, dysfunctional, screwed up girl.

It's times like this when I wonder if life is even worth living.

It's times like this I wonder if my Zoloft is actually working.

Probably not.

Wordless Wednesday

Sometimes I Wonder...

... if I should just travel the world, spend all of my money, have passionate love affairs and forget about the marriage and kid thing. There are many days where a life like this seems tempting, and others where it seems like it would be empty (for me). I wonder when I will know for sure.

Monday Mind Dump

Random things I'm thinking, feeling, doing today...

* I'm sick today. I started feeling yucky last night, but it's worse than I thought; I had to leave work early. My hips are killing me, I can't keep anything down, and I'm dizzy and nauseous. Not good. Let's hope this is a 24 hour thing.

* I have a crush. Actually, I have two. A HUGE one, and a little baby one. And these crushes are on actual guys! Eeek! It's been some time since I've felt that!!!

* I'm glad the holidays are over. That means my break from therapy is over!! Woohoo!!!! I'm going to a session Wednesday night. Has anyone in history ever been this excited about therapy?!?! I think NOT!!!!

* It was 24 degrees when I left the house today. I'm so freaking over this cold weather. One thing I will never insult St John for is its weather. It spoiled me. Must. Move. Back. To. Beach. ASAP.

* I'm lying on the couch listening to D and S have a very interesting conversation. Lots of screeching and grunting from S. Lots of "What is that sound?!" and "What are you saying?!" from D. Very cute.

* Migi is sitting on my head. I forget how and why he got there.

That is all. Happy Monday to everyone but me!!!!

Dream a Little Dream

I think dreams are SO interesting!! I used to own a massive dream interpretation book as a teenager, but I lost it. So I've taken to using the free websites I find through Google if I want to know the meaning of dream. I think sometimes dreams can obviously be telling you something and other times it's just a bunch of nonsense from your everyday life thrown together. There have been a few interesting dreams I've had lately:

- In a dream recently I was married to one of my best friends, Jaime. I remember thinking "I love him, but we're friends! We can't get married!". In that same dream I was being serenaded by Gwyneth Paltrow in an empty classroom (Glee, anyone?!).

- Shortly after my breakup with PD (we do NOT speak his name any longer and this is a new nickname for him) I had a dream that one of my friends and I were locked in a dark mall after hours. No matter what door that I tried they were all locked. But soon she asked if I would follow her "this way" as she motioned to what looked like a solid wall, which turned into a door when she pushed on it. I absolutely know what this dream was about but it would take forever to explain!!

- Recently I had a dream about going Christmas shopping while naked. Which is silly because a) I didn't do any Christmas shopping this year, and b) most of my naked dreams have me prancing around work or school, not the mall. Weird!!

- A couple of months ago I had a dream I was falling. I could feel the wind rushing past my face but everything was completely silent. That was the whole dream. I think I've read that falling dreams mean you feel out of control. Which I can totally agree with at the time!

I've been thinking about keeping a dream journal because I love remembering the details of them as soon as I wake up! But I think between my regular journal, this blog and my planner it may be a bit much and hard to keep up with! I guess we'll see if I ever get around to it...

#92 Buy and use a planner

My new planner!! Love it:) And I've already started using it!!