Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The End

I'm ending this blog! Life in paradise was more like a nightmare, and it did not end well for anyone involved. I'm happy to be finished with that chapter of my life. I learned a lot, loved a lot, and hurt a lot. I plan on starting a new blog, My Wild Child Ways, so please follow that if you care to! Thanks for the support and love friends:)


Friday, August 3, 2012

I'm Living It

Naturally, this being a small island and knowing so many people, I run into friendly faces every day asking how life is. Often in these conversations, knowing that Sky and I were recently wed, friends ask how married life is going. When I tell them not well and that I'm leaving island, they are usually shocked! They want to know why, what's going on, what happened for things to change so suddenly when we seemed so happy? And I'm honest... I tell them I'm leaving my marriage because it's abusive. I know that marriage is a serious undertaking, and I went into it happily and willingly. I never imagined, though, that three weeks in I would be physically abused and put into the situation of choosing between the man I love and my own safety. That was definitely not a part of the happily ever after I had in mind! Once friends know the circumstances of my leaving, most have been very supportive of me, telling me I'm doing the right thing by going. I'm endlessly thankful for all the encouragement and love most people have shown me. Life has been so hard lately and it's the kind words and support being given to me that help me through these sometimes hellish days.

Now on the other hand, I have definitely gotten some responses more along the line of Oh it'll work itself out, Keep trying, Hang in there, Marriage is hard at first but it gets better... And while I agree under normal circumstances, violence against your intimate, married partner seems a deal-breaker no matter the excuse. I think at the end of the day everyone deserves to feel safe, loved, and cherished especially in a marriage where you have promised those virtues to one another. Violently putting your hands on someone is a surefire way to rip those things away and replace them with fear, anxiety, and hurt. Sadly I know, I'm living it.

I look forward to the move, if only to be able to start healing and moving on with my life. I know there are so many exciting, new things to look forward to in Colorado, but the heartbreak and the gravity of this situation is clouding my sunny outlook on things. Only 4 days until I leave island and make a fresh start for myself, and I am alternately excited and terrified, with terror winning out a majority of the time. Universe give me courage and strength please, I need it!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Chakra Balancing Videos

Help balance your chakras with one or more of these videos! I do one every day; here are my favorites!










Thursday, July 26, 2012

Back to One

I'm heartbroken these days. Not even 4 months after Sky and I got married, we are splitting up. I feel like a failure on so many levels. The reason we're calling it quits is because I was physically abused in the marriage, and I no longer feel safe or trustful enough to stay. I do believe in staying together when you've committed to marriage, but there are a few absolute deal breakers, in my opinion, and physical violence is definitely one of them.

3 weeks after getting married, I was still walking on clouds. I was loving being a wife, loving the feeling of having tied myself to another person for the rest of my days, still in the stage of looking at each other and saying "Hi husband/wife" then giggling like little kids. I couldn't have been happier! Being in love and married is something I've always wanted and I thought I had finally found it! And then I was physically attacked by the man I swore to love for the rest of my life. It left me scratched, bleeding, bruised, limping and in pain all over. It took me more than a week to completely physically recover. The emotional and mental healing are taking much longer.

After the incident I was confused and hysterical and cried for days. I didn't know what to do. I was here on island without family and only a handful of friends. I was still receiving congratulations on the marriage as I limped around town. Our wedding announcement had just been in the paper the week before. We started seeing a therapist immediately and have been since that happened. But I have come to the realization that what happened was inexcusable and will very likely happen again, and I wish I had left then. All I can say is that I love him and thought he could change and be different.

I am telling this for so many reasons. I feel very alone, and I feel like sharing. I also know statistically that we all probably know someone who has or is currently going through this. I also want to be accountable to myself, which is why I will not keep secret about this. My grandmother was in an abusive relationship as was my mother and now myself. And my childhood was full of abusive and angry people. It's no wonder I am in the situation I am in, but this cycle has got to stop somewhere and we can't change it if we don't talk about it. Hindsight being 20/20, the signs and red flags were all there. I didn't notice or take heed of them. I take some blame in the fact that I stayed despite so many signs telling me not to.

My plans are to move to Colorado as soon as I save enough money for a plane ticket and a month's worth of living expenses. I have a girlfriend there who has welcomed me with open arms, which I am incredibly grateful for. I will continue therapy, start making positive steps towards the life I want, and I'll be staying far, far, away from men, lol. But seriously. When I get on my feet again, I also plan on renewing my volunteer work with abused and homeless women and children. This cause is even closer to my heart than it was before.

Please send positive thoughts and energy and love my way! I'm going through a very hard time and I need it!

Also, until further notice I have no phone. Please Facebook or email me if you need to get in touch.

http://www.domesticviolence.org/


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Wednesday Mind Musings

* I've been relaxing and getting LOTS of rest lately! Work schedules are changing to summer hours so I've had lots more time off. I sleep in every day, I've been taking lots of naps, I've had more time to hit the beach and have found more time to catch up on my reading. This light schedule won't last long, but for now I'm really enjoying it!

* My latest read that I completely fell in love with and want to recommend is The Island by Elin Hilderbrand. I picked it up on Friday morning and was finished by Sunday afternoon, and I was sad the story was ending! I've randomly read 2 other novels by this author, but after this book, I'm definitely a fan!

 * BABY FEVER x 1,000,000,000= Me! The PLAN, however, is to wait for several years...

* I very much look forward to living in a house with a dishwasher, a washer and dryer, and an oven again. I miss baking terribly! I will never take these amazing, albeit everyday items, for granted again! Life without modern conveniences is no life for me!

* Therapy is going great! After a year and a half and several false starts and duds I think I've finally found a good fit where a therapist is concerned here in the VI. She's been extremely helpful and wonderful and I wish I could see her every day! The only sad thing about this? I only have a handful of months left with her until we move!
South Carolina's state flag

* Our plans to relocate seem to change constantly, but the latest plan will hopefully find us settled in Charleston, SC by October of this year. We'll see how that turns out, but I'm super excited and hopeful for the move!

* Since moving into our new apartment, I have been glued to the television. I have 1 1/2 years of tv to catch up on! I try to balance out the trashy reality tv I can't get enough of with educational programs on Discovery, History Channel, and PBS. I'm also still obsessed with any show having to do with babies, weddings, houses, fashion, interior design, and travel. Now that I think about it, it seems like I spend a lot of time in front of the tv these days! But I'm okay with that :)

* Nothing too spectacular or extraordinary is going on in my life! Here's hoping everyone is having a beautiful day!!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Beach Days


Don't grow up too quickly, lest you forget how much you love the beach.
- Michelle Held





Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Wednesday Mind Musings

* I can't believe I haven't blogged since January! Terrible of me. Lack of accessible internet has been an issue, but that will change very soon!

* I've been on a great reading streak lately! The last few books that I've found have been wonderful! I just finished Pray For Silence by Linda Castillo which is about a murder in Amish country. I happened upon it randomly, but it was such a good book! I recommend it if anyone is looking for an interesting thriller. I also just started reading Before I Go to Sleep by SJ Watson. It's about a woman who loses her memory every night when she goes to sleep. I'm only a few chapters in but I love it! It's another book I would recommend!

* Sky and I are moving to a new apartment this weekend! 1 bed/1 bath, WIFI, cable, great cell signal (it's a big deal on this island to find an apartment where your cell works) and it has all its walls and doors lol. It's a short term rental until we leave, but I'm excited to move into a nicer place! I do hate the packing and moving part though...

* My current favorite iPhone games are Draw Something and Words with Friends. I think I'm behind on finding them, but whatever! They're fun and addictive, like everything else on my iPhone.

* So far married life is lovely! Sadly neither of our jobs would let us have more than a few days off, so we stuck around St John after we got married. I am very much looking forward to taking a mini vacation with my husband soon! We won't be taking our official honeymoon until later this year, but we're planning a couple of long weekends between now and then to tide us over. I'm looking forward to it!

* Our move to Colorado has been pushed back a couple of months. We decided to stick around St John for the summer. We're taking the extra time to enjoy the island (something we haven't been able to do much of lately) and spend time with friends before we pack up and go. And we'll be here for Carnival, one of my absolute favorite times on St John! I'm excited for an awesome summer!

* I'm looking forward to a surprise day off tomorrow! I'm thinking sleeping in, then the beach:) Sounds like a wonderful plan to me!

Happy Hump Day friends:)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Mr & Mrs Smyth


We said "I do"! Sky and I are officially man and wife! We said our vows, just the two of us, on Hawsknest Beach on March 23, 2012. Our friend Dru preformed the ceremony on that beautiful afternoon. Our friend Yelena Rogers did a wonderful job capturing our special day with gorgeous photographs! We spent the weekend relaxing and enjoying the beauty of our St John. We are currently finalizing our honeymoon plans, to be taken later this year! 

Since we eloped and couldn't have our family and friends join us, we are in the process of planning a huge celebration! We will have a vow renewal and reception next year on our 1st anniversary and we look forward to celebrating with everyone!!! Invites will be sent out in the next couple of months.

Thank you friends and family for all of the love, support, congratulations, and well wishes! We are so happy, so in love, and looking forward to a life full of adventures and joy!

xoxo,
Mr & Mrs Smyth

Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday Mind Musings

* WHY is it Monday already?! I'd rather be in bed. As usual.

* Speaking of bed, I was in it for most of the day yesterday! The weather was yucky and rainy, and I had the day off! So I was content to spend the day napping, watching tv and reading, all from the comfort of my cozy bed. As a matter of fact, I stayed in bed until about 6:30pm when Sky suggested we get dress and venture out into the real world! I'd say it was a pretty successful Sunday!

* Only 1 1/2 days left in January 2012! Here we go with another whirlwind year as time slips by faster and faster (it seems that way to me anyway).

* I've totally been dropping the ball on my domestic responsibilities lately, and I want to do better! As soon as I'm done with work for the day I'm heading home to clean the house and start cooking dinner. I'm trying out a new recipe tonight; I'm hoping it turns out well!

* I'm 250ish pages into The Witching Hour by Anne Rice. I can't tell you how many times I've read this book, but it's been a favorite since the first time I picked it up. And reading it again reminds me why I love it! It is so, so, so good! Such good storytelling, so imaginative, very suspenseful and romantic, so addicting I have trouble putting it down to go to bed... Oh, how I love books!!!!

* Big, big, big changes are afoot. It seems I rarely have dull moments in life, and this is no exception. I'm looking forward to sharing the news of these huge changes, as soon as I figure them out and have a plan! Ain't life grand!

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
Cause that's my fun day
My I don't have to run day
It's just another manic Monday
- The Bangles

Friday, January 20, 2012

Friday Mind Musings

* I started a new journal this week! I'm guessing this is around journal #40 or so! I stopped journaling right after I lost the Blueberry last year, but I felt ready to start back up. It feels good to be writing for myself again:)

* The modeling job I booked back in November was supposed to happen on Thursday, but the ocean was a choppy and it was overcast and rainy so we had to postpone. Still looking forward to a day out on a boat as a bikini model!

* I'm so excited!!!! I'm no longer working 7 days a week! I actually have a whole day, Sunday, off! Working every single day was definitely starting to wear me down, so I'm very much looking forward to a day to do nothing every week!

* 1,000 government jobs have been cut in the USVI, the oil refinery on St Croix closed leaving 2,000 more people unemployed, and 2 popular restaurants on St John closed within the last week. For a territory that employs around 120,000 people, losing that many jobs seems troubling. I said it before and I'll say it again, the economy here is making me nervous! Sky figures we'll cross that bridge when it gets here, but I plan on having several back-up plans, just in case that bridge is nowhere to be found when we get to it.

* My new favorite Pandora station is Indie Kids. Don't ask me why! But really I'm loving the mix of music!

* I'm still ridiculously obsessed with Pinterest!!!!!!!!!!! I. CAN'T. STOP!

* I've heard that AT&T is raising their prices, again. I already pay an arm and a leg, AND the signal is on the shittier side of shitty here. So yeah, I'm thinking we may be ditching that company.

* I'm doing my best to become an impressive, world class DIYer (Do-it-yourself-er) buuuuuuuut, it's so hard to find the things I need on this little island! I'm in the middle of 4 or 5 DIY projects that I can't go any further on. Why? Because I can't find simple things like knitting needles, fabric, non-slip rug mats, buttons, canvas or about 10 other things necessary for my projects. I'm not going to lie, it's a bit discouraging. It'd probably be easier to just buy things new, but that would be completely against the point, right?!

* I'm finished with work for the day, and I feel TERRIBLE!!! So I'm going home to dive into bed and watch movies and stuff my face with ice cream and other goodies!

Happy Friday and Happy Weekend friends!!!!!

xoxo

Positive Affirmations

I am a big fan of saying daily positive affirmations! I definitely feel that they help manifest wonderful changes and it helps me stay positive and focused on my life goals! I have lists of them everywhere, and I make a habit of repeating them several times a day, every day! Here are a few of my favorites:

- Today is a beautiful day and will be full of happiness and love!
- All of my relationships are loving and harmonious!
- I am thankful for all the wonderful things in my life!
- I open my heart to allow wonderful things to come into my life!
- I am healthy, wealthy, happy and successful!
- I am prosperous!
- I am a loving, kind, generous person!
- I love and accept myself exactly as I am!
- I am healthy and full of energy!
- I send out love and it returns to me multiplied!
- I am grateful for everything I have received and will receive in life!


 "What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Napoleon Hill


Saturday, January 14, 2012

Friday Favorites

These are my 5 favorite things this week:

1. Reruns of Bones
2. DIY projects (I'm in the middle of 3!)
3. Surfing
4. Our friends Roy & Jessica for gracious entertaining :)
5. YouTube (I've fallen back in love with it)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

18 Rules for Living


Here are the 18 rules for living according to the Dalai Lama. I'm posting this in my home! So many great things to remember and try to live by...

DALAI LAMA’S 18 RULES FOR LIVING 

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy
it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the
past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Friday Favorites

Here's my list of 5 things that I'm in love with this week! My 5 Friday Favorites!

1. Pinterest
2. My zebra printed body pillow (a gift from Sky, it makes going to bed heaven!)
3. Warm-from-the-oven butter croissants from Starfish Market
4. Carly Simon station on Pandora
5. Whole Living Magazine (why have I never seen it before? Seriously in love!)

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Pinterest Inspired Ideas

Yes, I'm gushing about Pinterest again! I cannot get enough of browsing and repinning and ooohing and aaahing over all of the genius ideas and pretty things and DIY projects! Pinterest is actually helping me along with one of my New Year's resolutions, which is to work on beautifying my surroundings! There are endless ideas and inspiration which is helping to kick start my creativity. Here are a few projects on my To Do list, with the help of Pinterest. I'll try to include the original link to each!

Here's a project for our home that I plan on doing with the help of Sky. I repinned a blog post titled "21 Ways of turning pallets into furniture". The coffee table in the photo below is a redesigned pallet! How smart and crafty, but also pretty! I'm excited about this one. Who doesn't love turning trash into treasure? 

This is a photo I pinned from Shabby Chic. I am so in love with this room and the color scheme! I'm currently working on redecorating our bedroom in a similar way: soft shades of white, blues and tans. So pretty!

How cute is this DIY rug? I love it! And the best part: it's made out of old tees. Perfect way to clean out the closet and add some homemade charm to our little apartment! I'm going to make one for the bedroom in similar colors as above! Find the easy instructions here: Rags By Sock Monkey



This was an idea repinned from Martha Stewart. It's genius! Why have I never thought of this before? A super easy way to keep all of your linens organized and easily accessible. Basically you tuck the entire set into the pillow case after folding. Smart, easy, practical.

Another clever idea from Pinterest! It's a wine rack that can be used as a towel holder in the bathroom. I love the idea of not having to fold our towels! I couldn't find this exact rack, but I found a style I love from Pottery Barn.

Another brilliant idea. This woman found a home made recipe for Febreze that she estimates only costs her $0.15 per bottle to make! Go here to check out the recipe: Fake it Frugal As soon as my mega bottle of Febreze is finished ($12.99) I'm all over this one!




Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Wednesday Mind Musings

* I can't believe it is 2012!!! Can you?! I caught myself writing "2010" the yesterday. Not sure where that came from! Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to this year! I have a feeling LOTS of amazing things are ahead of me!

* Speaking of amazing things, Sky and I are GETTING MARRIED this year!!!!! I'm so happy and excited and nervous and in love and a plethora of other emotions! 244 days before we say "I do"!

* My birth control is the devil. It makes me nauseous every single day, it gives me headaches, tummy issues and my boobs hurt if you even LOOK at them. I was told to give it 3 months to even out and for my body to get used to it. I don't know if I can last 3 months with side effects this awful.

* I'm obsessed with Pinterest. If you aren't on it, I encourage everyone to at least check it out! I'm in love! I now have endless ideas for crafts, room decor, recipes, clever ideas, genius tips and DIY projects to last me a lifetime. I'm telling all my friends here about it!

* My music vibe lately has been easy, breezy 70s: Carly Simon, Seals & Croft, Chicago, Player, Paul Davis, Carole King, James Taylor and the like. I can't get enough!

* I got a Brazilian wax today for the first time this year, and WOWZA did it hurt! But I love the look of it! I started getting Brazilians done last year to stop the vicious cycle of shaving and razor bumps since it's bikini weather year round. Supposedly the longer you wax, the softer and finer your hair is, the easier it is to remove. I haven't noticed the waxing sessions going any easier yet, but I'm still hopeful. Painful, but totally worth it!

* Season is in full swing here! The island is packed, both of my jobs have been crazy busy, traffic has been nuts (nothing compared to state-side traffic mind you) and the grocery store lines are always out the door now! Our little island is very active these days!

Happy Hump Day! Hope it's a good one for everyone:)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy 2012!


Happy Happy New Year friends!

Last year was very much an adventure for me, but then again when isn't life an adventure?! I had many up and downs, learned lots of lessons, gained and lost friends, tried some things for the first time, had a plethora of new experiences both good and bad; I laughed, cried, loved and lived and I am utterly grateful for every single moment! I can't believe another year has come and gone but I'm very much looking forward to all the surprises and gifts that 2012 holds for me! Here's to a beautiful year ahead!



This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!
-William Arthur Ward