I'm Living It

Naturally, this being a small island and knowing so many people, I run into friendly faces every day asking how life is. Often in these conversations, knowing that Sky and I were recently wed, friends ask how married life is going. When I tell them not well and that I'm leaving island, they are usually shocked! They want to know why, what's going on, what happened for things to change so suddenly when we seemed so happy? And I'm honest... I tell them I'm leaving my marriage because it's abusive. I know that marriage is a serious undertaking, and I went into it happily and willingly. I never imagined, though, that three weeks in I would be physically abused and put into the situation of choosing between the man I love and my own safety. That was definitely not a part of the happily ever after I had in mind! Once friends know the circumstances of my leaving, most have been very supportive of me, telling me I'm doing the right thing by going. I'm endlessly thankful for all the encouragement and love most people have shown me. Life has been so hard lately and it's the kind words and support being given to me that help me through these sometimes hellish days.

Now on the other hand, I have definitely gotten some responses more along the line of Oh it'll work itself out, Keep trying, Hang in there, Marriage is hard at first but it gets better... And while I agree under normal circumstances, violence against your intimate, married partner seems a deal-breaker no matter the excuse. I think at the end of the day everyone deserves to feel safe, loved, and cherished especially in a marriage where you have promised those virtues to one another. Violently putting your hands on someone is a surefire way to rip those things away and replace them with fear, anxiety, and hurt. Sadly I know, I'm living it.

I look forward to the move, if only to be able to start healing and moving on with my life. I know there are so many exciting, new things to look forward to in Colorado, but the heartbreak and the gravity of this situation is clouding my sunny outlook on things. Only 4 days until I leave island and make a fresh start for myself, and I am alternately excited and terrified, with terror winning out a majority of the time. Universe give me courage and strength please, I need it!

Living Aloha

So... I want to move. Again. I've decided my next destination will be Hawaii!! I don't know why I feel so restless lately, but I'm taking the feeling and going with it. I have no mortgage, or kids or any real obligations for that matter, that would hold me in one place. I am young and (relatively) healthy, so off I go! Maybe one of these days I will fall in love with a place enough to want to be there for more than a year or so at a time.

I've been doing non-stop research on Hawaii and Oahu in particular, the island I think I'll be happiest on. I'm trying to get as good of an idea as I can about the cost of living, schools, housing and job market. The only decision I'm still mulling over is whether or not to vacation there first, or just take the leap and move without exploring it. I know logically it would seem like vacationing first is a no-brainer. But I can say from my experience in moving to the Virgin Islands that visiting before moving is nowhere near the same as residing here. I came down to St John four times before I moved here. And I still had a very difficult time adjusting to life on the island. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to really understand how it feels to live somewhere, is to live there!

If I do decide to vacation and then move, I don't think I'll be ready until early next year. If I decide to throw caution to the wind and just go, I'm hoping to be there by Christmas of this year. We'll see what happens! Wish me luck!!

Surprise?!

I know this is going to come as a surprise and even a shock to some people, but I've moved back to St. John, USVI. I was surprised and shocked too! It was a decision and a move that was made and done very quickly. I am sure there are lots of you who will disagree, or even be disappointed by my decision. And all I can say is that I did what I thought would make me happy.

Thank you for your support. And if supportive is not what you feel, then thank you for refraining from saying anything awful! I really do appreciate it:)

Happy Thursday all!!

New Year, New Home?

I don't know if I'm just feeling restless, if it's just that I'm going through a rough time, or if my feelings are genuine, but I want to move. It's all I can think about these days. I love Atlanta and all my friends and family in it, but I feel like finding a new place to call home. I always imagined that I would fall in love, get married and raise children in Atlanta. But I can't even imagine being in love, much less finding someone here to fall in love with. And I'm not even sure I want to be married or have children anymore. I've let go of all the ideas and fantasies that I used to hold so tightly to, and building a life in Atlanta is one of those dreams. I think it may be time for me to move on.

I don't really have any firm ideas of where I want to live. I have learned in the last year that I am much more of a hot weather and beach girl than I ever though before. I would much rather be hot than cold and in snow. There's a pretty cool website that after answering about 8 pages of questions, suggests cities in the U.S. that may be to your liking. They base their picks for you on factors like weather, population, school systems, the size of the city and lots more. And even if you're not looking to move it's just fun to do the quiz and see what places they suggest for you! Here's the website:
findyourspot.com

I took the quiz and here are my Top Ten Spots:

1. Honolulu, Hawaii
2. Charleston, South Carolina
3. Los Angeles, California
4. Houston, Texas
5. Orlando, Florida
6. San Diego, California
7. Orange County, California
8. Long Beach California
9. Tampa, Florida
10. West Palm Beach, Florida

I'm excited to look into these places and the possibility that I might be making a big change soon! Change can be good, right? We'll see!

Far, Far Away

I'm really, seriously considering moving away. Funny that I missed Atlanta so much when I was gone and couldn't wait to get "home". I'm finding that I don't have as much here as I thought I once did. Oh well. I couldn't possibly be worse off than I am already, right? Is it possible that my birthday trip could turn into a birthday move? Time to start a list...

I Miss You Already

It's about 2 weeks until I return to Atlanta! I realized today that I've been so busy planning my future back home, that I haven't been giving St John a proper goodbye. There are so many things I will miss about the VI! For example:

- taking a dinghy to St Thomas for a grocery trip
- wearing flip flops, dresses, and shorts all year long
- fish & chips at Beach Bar, sushi at Happy Fish, the banana xango at B Deck, and Happy Hour everywhere!
- being 5 minutes away from a breathtaking beach
- knowing that I can safely hitch hike without the fear of being abducted, killed, or worse (morbid but true!)
- midnight drum parties in ancient ruins
- And last but not least: all of the amazing people who have turned into amazing friends

I have so much to do between now and heading home! The time is flying and I know these 2 weeks will be a blur. I'm really hoping to squeeze in plenty of snorkel, beach, hiking and friend time before that happens!! St John I'm not gone yet but I sure am missing you already...

It's Official!!

Sky and I have decided to move back home. We're heading back to Atlanta!!! I am beyond delighted; Sky is (understandably) a little less enthused. While I'm in love with and am used to living in a big city, Sky is pretty much the opposite. He grew up and lived on small islands and small towns pretty much his whole life. So I guess the idea of living in a big, bustling city is a bit overwhelming to him.

I, on the other hand, am so excited for all the things that a big city has to offer us right now! One of the reasons we're moving from the VI is the healthcare. The healthcare here is less than stellar. I had a scare two weeks ago that could have been solved by a simple sonogram. Well, as it turns out, there isn't an ultrasound machine on the island. Or a hospital. Or even a doctor. They, of course, have clinics and nurse practitioners here. But this doesn't give me enough confidence or comfort to go through 9 months of pregnancy, labor, and caring for a newborn. As for Atlanta we wouldn't be more than 15 minutes away from doctors, hospitals and specialists should something go wrong.

Another reason we've decided to make the move is our families. I have never felt a stronger need to be around my family and friends as I feel now. I guess it's something about bringing a little person in the world that makes you want to surround yourself by the familiar and comforting. Besides I think it's perfect that most of my friends back home are moms anyway. And my sister just had a sweet little baby (Happy 2 months Sadie Baby!). There's nothing better than being around people in the same stage of life as you are!!

The last (logical) reason we are moving back is the cost of living. Here's a sample of a few things we pick up at the grocery store each week and their prices here:

Gallon of milk- $6
Loaf of bread- $5
Box of cereal- $7
Frozen pizza- $ 13
Dozen eggs- $3
1/2 Pound of turkey- $6
Bag of chips- $5

I could go on but it's depressing!! On average a trip to the grocery store for 1 1/2 meals (dinner and some leftovers) we spend about $28 to $35. A large majority of our income goes to eating. The rest of life here is pretty expensive too! Gas is about $3.65 a gallon right now. We live in a pretty tiny studio apartment that costs us $750 a month. Pretty much the only thing that's cheap here is liquor, which is no longer a pro for me! All of this on top of the fact that on average jobs here pay 15% to 30% less than in the States. This math does not add up when you're looking to build a life and a family!!

So those are the "real" reasons we're moving back to Atlanta. I feel confident in the fact that we've made this decision based on logic and fact! And that's how I presented it to Sky which is why I think he's fine with it. If he knew some of my PERSONAL reasons for wanting to move back, he would think I'm nuts. I really want to move back so I can decorate the nursery from Target and Pottery Barn. And I really want to start taking prenatal yoga in Piedmont Park. And find a mommy group ITP. And I can't wait to sign up for Music classes, specifically at Toco Hills so I can get Miss Berne. And let's not forget Gymboree!! I want to do all the fun, silly things you can do when you're a mommy!! To me these are just as good as the real reasons I listed above.

Either way, back home we go!! I hope one day he learns to love Atlanta as much as I do, but until then I can love it enough for all 3 of us!!!!