This is a link to my friend Brian's page. He is an advocate and supporter of suicide prevention through the organization AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention). He, this website and the resources I have found through it have all been helpful to me during my struggle with depression and suicide.
If you know of anyone who is struggling, or you're going through this yourself, I encourage you to check out the website. And please pass it on to your friends and family and coworkers. There is still such a stigma surrounding these issues. We need to get this information out and be more willing to talk about it!
Brian Siegel's AFSP Page
Also feel free to email me any thoughts, comments or questions!
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Suicide
I feel like I may regret this post sometime in the future, but at this moment I need to get it out. For months now, I have been desperately fighting near-constant thoughts of suicide. These thoughts started right after my miscarriage. Over the last 6 months, they have lessened at times and have become overwhelming at other times, but they have never fully gone away. I am in the midst of the latter right now. Thoughts of dying and death have become a steady train of thought for me. I have seen a doctor and therapist about these thoughts. Just recently my doctor upped my dosage of anti-depressants to help, but so far nothing has come of it.
I've read that the idea of suicide occurs when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. That is where I am right now. I am desperately hurting over my miscarriage, my health issues, my emotional battles with my "family", and so many other things. Right now in my life, I am utterly overwhelmed with pain and grief. I wake up sad every single day. I think constantly of the baby I should be giving birth to in a matter of days. I am still in constant pain from my surgery. I think of the incredible amounts of money I owe from both of those ordeals. I am exhausted by the people , who some would call their "family", who I try to love and open myself up to, only to be shut down and hurt time and again. At this point all my pain seems larger than life. It fills up my body, it pours out my eyes, my mouth, my fingers, my bones, everywhere.
I just want to escape the pain. I want to make it stop. Some days, death seems beautiful and peaceful. It seems like an answer.
But I know it isn't. Sky would not leave for work today until I promised to be alive when he came home. And I will be. I do have to work today, and I don't want to call in. But after work I do believe I will be taking myself to the doctor, yet again, in another attempt to stop feeling the way I'm feeling. Because I have tried and nothing is working.
I hate when people tell me how strong I am. That I can just stop these thoughts. That I can make it through this. But I'm tired of being strong. NOBODY is THAT STRONG. I need help. I can't do this alone anymore. If I could stop these thoughts, I would have a long time ago. I just need a break. I need relief. Where is it?
I've read that the idea of suicide occurs when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. That is where I am right now. I am desperately hurting over my miscarriage, my health issues, my emotional battles with my "family", and so many other things. Right now in my life, I am utterly overwhelmed with pain and grief. I wake up sad every single day. I think constantly of the baby I should be giving birth to in a matter of days. I am still in constant pain from my surgery. I think of the incredible amounts of money I owe from both of those ordeals. I am exhausted by the people , who some would call their "family", who I try to love and open myself up to, only to be shut down and hurt time and again. At this point all my pain seems larger than life. It fills up my body, it pours out my eyes, my mouth, my fingers, my bones, everywhere.
I just want to escape the pain. I want to make it stop. Some days, death seems beautiful and peaceful. It seems like an answer.
But I know it isn't. Sky would not leave for work today until I promised to be alive when he came home. And I will be. I do have to work today, and I don't want to call in. But after work I do believe I will be taking myself to the doctor, yet again, in another attempt to stop feeling the way I'm feeling. Because I have tried and nothing is working.
I hate when people tell me how strong I am. That I can just stop these thoughts. That I can make it through this. But I'm tired of being strong. NOBODY is THAT STRONG. I need help. I can't do this alone anymore. If I could stop these thoughts, I would have a long time ago. I just need a break. I need relief. Where is it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)