I'm ending this blog! Life in paradise was more like a nightmare, and it did not end well for anyone involved. I'm happy to be finished with that chapter of my life. I learned a lot, loved a lot, and hurt a lot. I plan on starting a new blog, My Wild Child Ways, so please follow that if you care to! Thanks for the support and love friends:)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
I'm Living It
Naturally, this being a small island and knowing so many people, I run into friendly faces every day asking how life is. Often in these conversations, knowing that Sky and I were recently wed, friends ask how married life is going. When I tell them not well and that I'm leaving island, they are usually shocked! They want to know why, what's going on, what happened for things to change so suddenly when we seemed so happy? And I'm honest... I tell them I'm leaving my marriage because it's abusive. I know that marriage is a serious undertaking, and I went into it happily and willingly. I never imagined, though, that three weeks in I would be physically abused and put into the situation of choosing between the man I love and my own safety. That was definitely not a part of the happily ever after I had in mind! Once friends know the circumstances of my leaving, most have been very supportive of me, telling me I'm doing the right thing by going. I'm endlessly thankful for all the encouragement and love most people have shown me. Life has been so hard lately and it's the kind words and support being given to me that help me through these sometimes hellish days.
Now on the other hand, I have definitely gotten some responses more along the line of Oh it'll work itself out, Keep trying, Hang in there, Marriage is hard at first but it gets better... And while I agree under normal circumstances, violence against your intimate, married partner seems a deal-breaker no matter the excuse. I think at the end of the day everyone deserves to feel safe, loved, and cherished especially in a marriage where you have promised those virtues to one another. Violently putting your hands on someone is a surefire way to rip those things away and replace them with fear, anxiety, and hurt. Sadly I know, I'm living it.
I look forward to the move, if only to be able to start healing and moving on with my life. I know there are so many exciting, new things to look forward to in Colorado, but the heartbreak and the gravity of this situation is clouding my sunny outlook on things. Only 4 days until I leave island and make a fresh start for myself, and I am alternately excited and terrified, with terror winning out a majority of the time. Universe give me courage and strength please, I need it!
Now on the other hand, I have definitely gotten some responses more along the line of Oh it'll work itself out, Keep trying, Hang in there, Marriage is hard at first but it gets better... And while I agree under normal circumstances, violence against your intimate, married partner seems a deal-breaker no matter the excuse. I think at the end of the day everyone deserves to feel safe, loved, and cherished especially in a marriage where you have promised those virtues to one another. Violently putting your hands on someone is a surefire way to rip those things away and replace them with fear, anxiety, and hurt. Sadly I know, I'm living it.
I look forward to the move, if only to be able to start healing and moving on with my life. I know there are so many exciting, new things to look forward to in Colorado, but the heartbreak and the gravity of this situation is clouding my sunny outlook on things. Only 4 days until I leave island and make a fresh start for myself, and I am alternately excited and terrified, with terror winning out a majority of the time. Universe give me courage and strength please, I need it!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Chakra Balancing Videos
Help balance your chakras with one or more of these videos! I do one every day; here are my favorites!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Back to One
I'm heartbroken these days. Not even 4 months after Sky and I got married, we are splitting up. I feel like a failure on so many levels. The reason we're calling it quits is because I was physically abused in the marriage, and I no longer feel safe or trustful enough to stay. I do believe in staying together when you've committed to marriage, but there are a few absolute deal breakers, in my opinion, and physical violence is definitely one of them.
3 weeks after getting married, I was still walking on clouds. I was loving being a wife, loving the feeling of having tied myself to another person for the rest of my days, still in the stage of looking at each other and saying "Hi husband/wife" then giggling like little kids. I couldn't have been happier! Being in love and married is something I've always wanted and I thought I had finally found it! And then I was physically attacked by the man I swore to love for the rest of my life. It left me scratched, bleeding, bruised, limping and in pain all over. It took me more than a week to completely physically recover. The emotional and mental healing are taking much longer.
After the incident I was confused and hysterical and cried for days. I didn't know what to do. I was here on island without family and only a handful of friends. I was still receiving congratulations on the marriage as I limped around town. Our wedding announcement had just been in the paper the week before. We started seeing a therapist immediately and have been since that happened. But I have come to the realization that what happened was inexcusable and will very likely happen again, and I wish I had left then. All I can say is that I love him and thought he could change and be different.
I am telling this for so many reasons. I feel very alone, and I feel like sharing. I also know statistically that we all probably know someone who has or is currently going through this. I also want to be accountable to myself, which is why I will not keep secret about this. My grandmother was in an abusive relationship as was my mother and now myself. And my childhood was full of abusive and angry people. It's no wonder I am in the situation I am in, but this cycle has got to stop somewhere and we can't change it if we don't talk about it. Hindsight being 20/20, the signs and red flags were all there. I didn't notice or take heed of them. I take some blame in the fact that I stayed despite so many signs telling me not to.
My plans are to move to Colorado as soon as I save enough money for a plane ticket and a month's worth of living expenses. I have a girlfriend there who has welcomed me with open arms, which I am incredibly grateful for. I will continue therapy, start making positive steps towards the life I want, and I'll be staying far, far, away from men, lol. But seriously. When I get on my feet again, I also plan on renewing my volunteer work with abused and homeless women and children. This cause is even closer to my heart than it was before.
Please send positive thoughts and energy and love my way! I'm going through a very hard time and I need it!
Also, until further notice I have no phone. Please Facebook or email me if you need to get in touch.
http://www.domesticviolence.org/
3 weeks after getting married, I was still walking on clouds. I was loving being a wife, loving the feeling of having tied myself to another person for the rest of my days, still in the stage of looking at each other and saying "Hi husband/wife" then giggling like little kids. I couldn't have been happier! Being in love and married is something I've always wanted and I thought I had finally found it! And then I was physically attacked by the man I swore to love for the rest of my life. It left me scratched, bleeding, bruised, limping and in pain all over. It took me more than a week to completely physically recover. The emotional and mental healing are taking much longer.
After the incident I was confused and hysterical and cried for days. I didn't know what to do. I was here on island without family and only a handful of friends. I was still receiving congratulations on the marriage as I limped around town. Our wedding announcement had just been in the paper the week before. We started seeing a therapist immediately and have been since that happened. But I have come to the realization that what happened was inexcusable and will very likely happen again, and I wish I had left then. All I can say is that I love him and thought he could change and be different.
I am telling this for so many reasons. I feel very alone, and I feel like sharing. I also know statistically that we all probably know someone who has or is currently going through this. I also want to be accountable to myself, which is why I will not keep secret about this. My grandmother was in an abusive relationship as was my mother and now myself. And my childhood was full of abusive and angry people. It's no wonder I am in the situation I am in, but this cycle has got to stop somewhere and we can't change it if we don't talk about it. Hindsight being 20/20, the signs and red flags were all there. I didn't notice or take heed of them. I take some blame in the fact that I stayed despite so many signs telling me not to.
My plans are to move to Colorado as soon as I save enough money for a plane ticket and a month's worth of living expenses. I have a girlfriend there who has welcomed me with open arms, which I am incredibly grateful for. I will continue therapy, start making positive steps towards the life I want, and I'll be staying far, far, away from men, lol. But seriously. When I get on my feet again, I also plan on renewing my volunteer work with abused and homeless women and children. This cause is even closer to my heart than it was before.
Please send positive thoughts and energy and love my way! I'm going through a very hard time and I need it!
Also, until further notice I have no phone. Please Facebook or email me if you need to get in touch.
http://www.domesticviolence.org/
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wednesday Mind Musings
* I've been relaxing and getting LOTS of rest lately! Work schedules are changing to summer hours so I've had lots more time off. I sleep in every day, I've been taking lots of naps, I've had more time to hit the beach and have found more time to catch up on my reading. This light schedule won't last long, but for now I'm really enjoying it!
* My latest read that I completely fell in love with and want to recommend is The Island by Elin Hilderbrand. I picked it up on Friday morning and was finished by Sunday afternoon, and I was sad the story was ending! I've randomly read 2 other novels by this author, but after this book, I'm definitely a fan!
* BABY FEVER x 1,000,000,000= Me! The PLAN, however, is to wait for several years...
* I very much look forward to living in a house with a dishwasher, a washer and dryer, and an oven again. I miss baking terribly! I will never take these amazing, albeit everyday items, for granted again! Life without modern conveniences is no life for me!
* Therapy is going great! After a year and a half and several false starts and duds I think I've finally found a good fit where a therapist is concerned here in the VI. She's been extremely helpful and wonderful and I wish I could see her every day! The only sad thing about this? I only have a handful of months left with her until we move!
* Our plans to relocate seem to change constantly, but the latest plan will hopefully find us settled in Charleston, SC by October of this year. We'll see how that turns out, but I'm super excited and hopeful for the move!
* Since moving into our new apartment, I have been glued to the television. I have 1 1/2 years of tv to catch up on! I try to balance out the trashy reality tv I can't get enough of with educational programs on Discovery, History Channel, and PBS. I'm also still obsessed with any show having to do with babies, weddings, houses, fashion, interior design, and travel. Now that I think about it, it seems like I spend a lot of time in front of the tv these days! But I'm okay with that :)
* Nothing too spectacular or extraordinary is going on in my life! Here's hoping everyone is having a beautiful day!!
* My latest read that I completely fell in love with and want to recommend is The Island by Elin Hilderbrand. I picked it up on Friday morning and was finished by Sunday afternoon, and I was sad the story was ending! I've randomly read 2 other novels by this author, but after this book, I'm definitely a fan!* BABY FEVER x 1,000,000,000= Me! The PLAN, however, is to wait for several years...
* I very much look forward to living in a house with a dishwasher, a washer and dryer, and an oven again. I miss baking terribly! I will never take these amazing, albeit everyday items, for granted again! Life without modern conveniences is no life for me!
* Therapy is going great! After a year and a half and several false starts and duds I think I've finally found a good fit where a therapist is concerned here in the VI. She's been extremely helpful and wonderful and I wish I could see her every day! The only sad thing about this? I only have a handful of months left with her until we move!
 |
| South Carolina's state flag |
* Our plans to relocate seem to change constantly, but the latest plan will hopefully find us settled in Charleston, SC by October of this year. We'll see how that turns out, but I'm super excited and hopeful for the move!
* Since moving into our new apartment, I have been glued to the television. I have 1 1/2 years of tv to catch up on! I try to balance out the trashy reality tv I can't get enough of with educational programs on Discovery, History Channel, and PBS. I'm also still obsessed with any show having to do with babies, weddings, houses, fashion, interior design, and travel. Now that I think about it, it seems like I spend a lot of time in front of the tv these days! But I'm okay with that :)
* Nothing too spectacular or extraordinary is going on in my life! Here's hoping everyone is having a beautiful day!!
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