I plan on being alone for the holidays this year, which I'm not happy about but I am okay with. I'll be spending Christmas and New Year's alone partly because I'm house-sitting, and partly because I have found myself to be so grumpy and unhappy and very not in the Christmas spirit these days. And while I'm grumpy and unhappy less and less as time passes, I still have really, really low moments. And I know that no one wants to deal with that during what's supposed to be the most joyful time of the year. I'm also still in full on grief mode, especially now. I thought I would be spending these holidays happy and pregnant and full of joy for life ahead of me. And even though I was full of
DELUSIONS to think that things would be that way, it doesn't change the fact that I'm mourning my baby and the
idea of a happy family and life.
So I've decided to keep my bitterness and grief and anger and sadness to myself. Christmas, New Year's and just about every day in between will find me in my pjs, with a glass of wine in hand, surrounded by books and blankets and movies that have nothing at all to do with love or family or children or the holidays. And no matter how sad and pitiful that sounds, I am going to be okay.
Here's to a happy holiday season to you, and here's to getting through it for me.
