Palm Reading

Have you ever had your palm read? I have! It was something I had always wanted to try! I was on a road trip to Nashville in 2009 with my then boyfriend (seriously, what was I thinking with that one?!?) and we walked by a little shop advertising palm reading and we decided to give it a try. I've always read that a lot of times phony psychics will use you to help figure out what you want to hear in your reading. They look at your clothing, who you came with, and your facial expressions to sort of figure you out. So I went in by myself, determined to keep a straight face and not "give anything away".

Since it was my first time getting my palms read, I wasn't really expecting anything one way or the other. I just thought it would be an interesting experience. So I was pretty floored when she began reading, and said some things that were so spot on they were scary! For instance:

* She described my overall personality and view on life.

* She told me how many siblings I grew up with and described to a tee my childhood and current relationships with my family.

* She described the romantic relationship I was in and told me specific things about my boyfriend at the time.

* She detailed my outlook and mindset on finances and money.

* She correctly told me what I did for a living.


And then there are things that she predicted that have since happened:

* She said that I would soon be making a huge move, somewhere near the beach/water. (I immediately thought California; that's always been a dream. STJ wasn't even on my radar at the time).

* She told me that while the man I was with at the time was in love with me, that he was not my soul-mate (duh).

* She predicted that there was a man in my life who still kept in touch with me, and would try to rekindle a romance sometime in the future. She also said it was my decision whether or not to pursue it, but if I did pursue the relationship a second time around, it would work out. (This did happen. I chose not to pursue it).


And then there are several other things that she foretold that haven't happened yet! I have them written down and tucked away. We'll see if they come true some day! What do you think? Have you ever visited a psychic or palm reader?

Beach

Cinnamon Bay. I wish I was there right now!!!! Surprisingly this photo was taken by my iPhone! Sorry it's crooked; I was a bit tipsy at the time:)

Birthday Card

I meant to share this forever ago! This was Sky's card to me for my birthday. I think only a handful of people will get this. I thought it was hilarious:)

First Day Back

It's my first day back to work since the surgery. I've cried four times already. And that's even after I've taken four pain pills this morning! I know that's way too many, but I'm just trying to make it through this shift. Sky was sweet enough to come with me to work and help me on his day off. The owner of the hotel has been around and has helped a lot too. I'm thankful everyone is being so nice, but I'm still in crazy amounts of pain! I'm doing my best to try to take it easy. For the last hour and a half I've just been sitting here. Even so, I haven't sat for this long in weeks! I'm exhausted and I am counting the minutes until I can be back in bed!

So as I was very slowly making my way around the hotel this morning, several people asked if I was okay. I told one of the women who asked that it was my first day back after surgery. It turns out that she and her girlfriends staying here are nurses! They were shocked when I told them my surgery was only a week and a half ago. They were very concerned and asked lots of questions about the procedure, my hospital stay and how I was recovering. Several of them told me repeatedly that what I had undergone was considered a very serious surgery, and that I should still be at home in bed! They said that people are usually on bed rest for the first 2 to 3 weeks, and most are not advised to be climbing stairs or lifting anything before the 4 week mark. It was nice to hear their concern and feel validated and to know I'm not being a (complete) baby about this whole thing.

Yet here I am at work because I was worried about losing my job. Right after the surgery I called my manager to explain about the bed rest and everything else that was going on. And once I got home from the hospital I sent Sky to talk to her again, just to make sure she new I wanted to come back and that I didn't want to lose my job. She was very nice and accommodating when she spoke with Sky so I was relieved thinking I could take my time with recuperating. But she called me two days later and her demeanor was very different. She didn't say it directly, but she strongly urged me to return to work, hinting around that if I didn't I would no longer have a job.

I know everyone keeps saying I can just get a new job. But Season is winding down here very quickly, and if you don't have a job once Slow Season hits, then it's extremely difficult to find anything. I don't want to take my chances!

Anyway I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!! Only 54 more minutes til I'm out of here and back in my sweet, comfy bed!!! It can't come soon enough!!!

Happy Saturday!!

LKKF

Today I'm sharing a Little Known Kourtnie Fact! Surprising, isn't it?! You would think between Facebook, Twitter, this blog and my mouth that you know everything about me! Well, almost! But here's something very few people know:

I collect stuffed animals that I call my "babies"!!! Silly, I know! And I name all of them with names starting with Ms. I know that little bit is odd, and I'm not quite sure how that started. But here they are!!

Migi, Maco, Murhay, Misty, Mindy, Molly, Marina, Magnus, Margo and Matteo

Recovery

* Just a TMI warning!!!! Everything surrounding my hospitalization and surgery is pretty gross, so if you don't want to know really inappropriate details about my body, I would stop reading!


The day after my surgery was a pretty good one, considering. Sky showed up first thing that morning bearing gifts and breakfast from McDonalds. Our day was spent watching silly TV and laughing and talking and napping. We even ordered a pizza! And since the nurses found out through unfortunate trial and error what pain medication worked best for me from the night before, they made sure to keep me pretty drugged up and happy through the day. 


My nurses continued to poke me to draw blood every 6 hours, and kept an eye on my vital signs. Dr. Amaro still wasn't happy with my blood work numbers, so he decided that before discharging me the next day, that I would undergo another blood transfusion that evening.


I woke up the next morning in crazy amounts of pain, but very ready to go home. Sadly my evening nurse was not as free with the pain medication as my day nurse had been. But the blood transfusion and antibiotics had been administered without a hitch, and I was being sent home!


Sky packed up everything I had accumulated during my visit, I said good-bye to the people I had come to see as friends, and we were off!! But not before signing the paperwork that stated my hospital stay's total: $24,000. As I signed the paper, I laughed out loud!!! Because really, what else could I do?! I had a feeling that if I didn't acknowledge my disbelief aloud in some way, it would come out later as hysteria or sobs. So really, laughing seemed the best option. The woman who discharged me and had me sign the paper, looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Oh well.


The car ride and the car barge ride home were excruciating, but uneventful. I am beyond thankful that Sky had the foresight to ask my nurse, Denise, to drug me up right before leaving the hospital. Once we made it home Sky carried me in the house and to the bed. And here is where I've been since then. He has been amazing to me. He has cooked, cleaned, gone to work every day, made sure I've taken my medicine, and done everything in his power to keep my spirits up and make me laugh during this very painful, very slow recovery. And to my never-ending mortification he has also helped me bathe, go to the restroom, dress and everything in between. 


It's hard to convey not only the amount of pain I was in, but also how HARD it has been to do everyday things that I've always taken for granted. Little things like laughing and coughing were impossible to do without causing myself incredible amounts of pain. Getting on and off the bed, even rolling onto my side or trying to sit up were impossible without Sky's help. So you can imagine why I would need help bathing, dressing, and even eating.


Today marks one week and one day since my surgery. I am still in a lot of pain, but moving around is getting easier. I can get off and on the bed by myself. I can stand up long enough for a shower or to get a bowl of cereal. I can pretty much dress myself now. And I can almost walk up and down the steps without help! I'm on my way to healing! I still have to move very slowly and carefully, but I'm getting there!


This experience is competing with my miscarriage and subsequent breakdown as the worse of my life. And since this is the SECOND time I've said this in the past six months, I am seriously hoping, wishing and praying that I won't have to reassign that label to anything else I experience for the rest of my days. But for now I am focusing on resting, healing, and staying in a good mental space, which is getting harder to do as the days go by. And that's what I've been up to for the past two and a half weeks!


So the morals to this story?!
*Have health insurance!!!!


*Go to the doctor when you don't feel well!!!!


*Eat plenty of fiber!!!!


Happy Thursday all!!

Puppy Love

I want a puppy so badly that I've been DREAMING about it!! Recently I had a dream that Sky brought home a sweet little puppy and he climbed right in bed and curled up on one of our pillows. I thought the dream was real so I woke up and put my hand out to pet the puppy and... nothing! Boy was that a huge letdown!!

I'm serious about this puppy business. So my first step is researching what kind of dog is best for my lifestyle. I want something very small, that I can carry around and treat like a little baby! Sad, but true. I also need something that's okay in small spaces, since we live in an apartment. I want a puppy I can be super affectionate with. I also need something that tolerates warm weather, and something that travels well. And I am absolutely against a drooler. I refuse to have a slobbery puppy. Gross!! So I did as many "What Kind of Dog is Right for You" tests as I could find online. I Googled and Wikipediaed and checked out articles on the AKC website and Animal Planet. And I've narrowed it down to five breeds:

Yorkshire Terrier

Miniature Schnauzer 

West Highland White Terrier

Shih-Tzu

Malti-Poo

I have to admit that I am extremely partial to the Yorkie (because I've always wanted one) and the Miniature Schnauzer (because we had them when I was a child) although I would be ecstatic to own any of those precious faces! But what will really be the deciding factor is availability and price. Like virtually everything else I've ever shopped for, it's going to be tricky to find the kind of puppy I want here in the islands. I think it'll come down to finding a reputable breeder that I trust stateside, who also ships to the VI. I have a feeling this will take some time and effort to find!

Any and all tips, comments and suggestions are welcome in my search to find a little puppy on which I can lavish ridiculous amounts of time, love and attention!

'Oscopies and Operations

* Just a TMI warning!!!! Everything surrounding my hospitalization and surgery is pretty gross, so if you don't want to know really inappropriate details about my body, I would stop reading!


Have I told you about my doctor yet? His name is Dr. Amaro. I was endlessly embarrassed by this entire situation because I found this man handsome and funny. And he smelled nice! How mortifying is it not only to have to be in a hospital gown, but also have to discuss pooping and your bottom with a handsome man?! Oh I could have died every time he walked in the room!


Anyway, after a couple of days, my blood pressure and hemoglobin levels weren't stellar, but they were steady. Dr. Amaro thought it was time to pinpoint what what causing the bleeding and from where. He referred me to a surgeon, Dr. Commissiong to preform several exploratory procedures and a surgery, if necessary.


My nurses gave me two bottles of cherry flavored saline to drink that would clean out my intestines and colon in order to prepare for the procedures. The doctor explained that I would be undergoing two 'oscopies: a sigmoidoscopy and a colonosopy. The sigmoidoscopy would let the doctors examine the inside of my rectum and the beginning of my colon. The colonoscopy would let them see the entire length of my colon to determine where the bleeding was coming from. I have to be honest: I was scared! One of my only questions was whether they would put me under and they assured me that they would.


At what the nurses called "pre-op" they asked a long list of standard questions about my health and history. They ran a pregnancy test (very negative, by the way) and checked my vital signs. As the nurse listened to my heart and lungs, she remarked that she thought I said I didn't have heart or lung problems. I replied that I didn't, to my knowledge. That's when she told me that I have a heart murmur. I was surprised and I told her so.


The next thing I remember, I woke up to the sound of my own crying. I vaguely remember hearing a nurse tell me that Sky was on his way and would be waiting in my room for me when they were ready to release me from the Recovery room. The rest of the evening went by in a fog. I can remember looking up at Sky, then waking up again to my dinner tray being brought in, then again the next morning at 6am. Whatever they put me under with was fantastic!


The morning after my 'oscopies my doctor and surgeon came to explain what they found. I had several lesions and lacerations in my rectum and colon and they were hemorrhaging. They would need to do surgery to repair the problem. They told me they had an OR booked for me that morning.


At pre-op I signed my life away via consent forms to the anesthesiologist and my surgeon. I answered another long list of questions, the nurse gave me something to "calm my nerves" and I was out like a light!


Again I woke up to myself crying hysterically. Apparently being sedated makes me weepy. Waking up from anesthesia is such an odd experience! I felt as if I was hearing and seeing things as I was walking through a tunnel. The closer I got to the opening the more I could hear and see. At first I was shocked wondering who was making all that noise! Then I slowly realized that was me screaming and crying! I was so confused. I remember thinking to myself that I wasn't particularly sad. So why would I be crying? It's still strange to remember.


That afternoon and evening was a really rough one. After a couple of hours post-op, the anesthesia started wearing off. I was in more pain than I had ever felt in my entire life, and that's saying A LOT seeing as I just had a nightmare of a miscarriage owing to an overdose of Cytotec. But this pain is something I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. It was excruciating!!!! It hurt so badly that even after three doses of morphine and a Loratab, I was still crying and screaming in pain. I begged the nurses for something stronger or something to knock me out. I just couldn't take it anymore! I cried so much that I lost my voice and broke a blood vessel in my eye. I don't have the words to describe the amount of pain I was in. 


Unfortunately I still had more to look forward to at the hospital. But for the moment I was happy at least to have the problem figure out and fixed...

Stabilize

* Just a TMI warning!!!! Everything surrounding my hospitalization and surgery is pretty gross, so if you don't want to know really inappropriate details about my body, I would stop reading!


Hands down, hearing the words "bleeding to death" and "blood transfusion" aimed at me was the scariest moment of my life. I didn't know much about getting a blood transfusion. My mind raced trying to remember anything and everything I could about it, but I was coming up blank. When I was younger I was an avid blood donor. Between the ages of 18 and 23 I donated more than 12 times. I knew plenty about donating, but nothing about receiving. All I felt was panic. Was it safe? What would happen if I declined? Could I decline? Were there any other options? What were the cons? Did the benefits outweigh the possible risks? After asking as many questions as I could think of I did the only thing I could in that situation: I consented to a blood transfusion.


I was hooked up to an IV and given saline and a pain reliever. They loaded me into an ambulance and took me to the Custom's dock where a private water taxi was waiting for me. And off we went to St Thomas.


In the ER of Roy Lester Schneider Hospital they took my vital signs and another round of blood work. They explained to me that the normal range of hemoglobin for a female my age is between 12.1 and 16.1. My hemoglobin levels were at 6.4. I had lost almost half of my blood over the course of 5 days. They also told me that normal blood pressure is in the range of 120/80. My blood pressure at the time was 84/46. I was in dire need of a transfusion right away. They started a second IV in my arm and started the transfusion process. I received three bags of blood over the course of six hours. They checked my temperature, blood pressure and pulse every 15 minutes during the transfusion to make sure my body wasn't having an adverse reaction to the blood.


I didn't get much sleep that night. I was tired and uncomfortable and scared. But looking back on it, that was the easy part. They admitted me into the hospital to observe me to make sure that my hemoglobin levels and blood pressure stabilized over the next few days. They drew blood every 4 to 6 hours and took my vitals sign every other hour for the first couple of days of my stay. Meanwhile they kept antibiotics, saline and pain relievers flowing through the two IV sites in my arms. I remember looking down at the six hospital bands, two IVs and the countless band-aids from the needles pricks on my arms and feeling frustrated and disbelieving that I was living this. On top of that my IV sites would become painful and sore, and my veins would become inflamed so the nurses would have to find new sites for the IVs. My arms took a lot of abuse that week and I think it'll be some time before all the scars and marks finally fade.


At that point I was still bleeding when I went to the bathroom. But the doctors were adamant that they needed to get me stabilized and stronger before they could figure out what was wrong and from where I was bleeding. All I knew was that I was sick of hurting, sick of being in the hospital, sick of being poked and prodded, and more than ready to go home. Unfortunately that was still a few days away...

Bleeding to Death

* Just a TMI warning!!!! Everything surrounding my hospitalization and surgery is pretty gross, so if you don't want to know really inappropriate details about my body, I would stop reading!


My misadventure began around Tuesday, March 8th. I noticed that every time I went to the bathroom, there was a scary amount of blood in the toilet. I think most people at that point would assume something was wrong and would make an appointment to see the doctor. I was not that smart. I knew I had a doctor's appointment the following Monday, so I figured that I would wait until then to bring up my concerns.  As the days went by I felt more and more sluggish, tired and light-headed. I asked Sky what he thought about it, and he brushed it off saying there was no way the two things were connected. He confirmed aloud what I thought in my head: that I was (as usual) being dramatic and that I was just a little under the weather.

Fast forward to Saturday. It was our only day off together so I was determined to do something fun, despite not feeling well. We drove out to Salt Pond to have a beach day. I was feeling dizzier and more nauseas than I had ever felt, but I kept telling myself that it would pass. Walking towards the trail for the beach, I became so dizzy that I had no choice but to stop and sit on the ground. After waiting for more than 10 minutes for it to pass, I realized that there was no way I could make it the beach, which was only about 1/3 of a mile away. Sky wound up carrying me back to the car because I couldn't find the strength to even stand up. We drove back home where, again, I was too weak to even get out of the car. So Sky carried me into the house and put me on the couch, which I couldn't find the energy to leave, for the rest of the day.

Around 8pm on Saturday evening I felt worse, not better. We finally decided to go to the ER. I don't remember the car ride there, but Sky says that I was completely unresponsive to his questions. I guess I passed out.

When we arrived at the ER they wheeled me in, asked a few questions and did some blood work. Very quickly they came back with the results which were shocking to me. My hemoglobin levels were dangerously low and I would need to be transported to St Thomas immediately for a blood transfusion. They told me it was a good thing that I came in that evening, because losing blood at the rate I was would have caused organ failure, coma, or even death in just another day or two. I was bleeding to death. I was so shocked to hear this! A huge part of me was lying in the ER feeling silly for even being there. So to hear that there was something seriously wrong with me was almost surreal. And scary. And that's how this all started...

TGIF

It's Friday!!!!! I'm oh so excited. This has been a tough week. And I'm ending it by not feeling very well. I look forward to getting off work and diving straight into bed with a book! My plans for tomorrow depend on how I'm feeling. I will either spend the day in bed watching rented movies, or if I'm feeling brave I'll journey over to St Thomas to see Adjustment Bureau. We'll see. Either way I'm totally grateful for a day off! Back to work on Sunday.

Happy Friday all!!

Mental Health

I just got off the phone with the health center here. I have two appointments next week: One with a doctor just as a general check-up and assessment of my symptoms of depression and to re-evaluate my need for medication. I'm not sure how it will go, but I feel tons better since starting on Zoloft. And my anxiety is nearly non-existent! There doesn't seem to be any awful side effects so I'm assuming everything will stay the same with that. I am still having trouble sleeping, so hopefully they will prescribe something new for that since the Trazadone was a huge fail.

The other appointment I made was with a therapist on St Thomas. Now that one I'm a little nervous about. I dread rehashing my story to someone new. But I do think it's important, and necessary, for me to get back into therapy. Cross your fingers for me. Let's hope it all goes well.

Two Jobs

I'm working two jobs now. I wanted the first one, but the second one just fell into my lap. I'm working part-time retail because a friend's store was short staffed when her only employee left without any notice. And I belatedly realized after working this past week that it's too much! I'll be working around 55 hours and 6 days a week. And while I'm extremely grateful to even have work, it's a little overwhelming. When am I supposed to have time to cook dinner and grocery shop and clean and do laundry?! And party?!?! I did not think this through before I committed to it! And all I keep thinking is that I must be getting old! I remember the days of working 60 hour weeks and still partying like I didn't need the sleep!! I guess it's starting to catch up with me. Maybe I just need an adjustment period. At least I hope that's all it is...

Island = Fatty

After my miscarriage I lost about 15 pounds between my depression medication and general lack of appetite. But now I'm used to my meds, so my appetite is back. And since moving back to St John I have put 10 pounds back on. Not cool.

Living on this island makes me such a fatty. And here's why:

- I drink waaaay more here than I did in the states. Can you say "empty calories"?! Unfortunately liquor is one of the only inexpensive things on the island. Sometimes I skip dinner and have a Sex on the Beach instead...

- It's too hot, and let's be honest, I'm too lazy, to go for a run.

- Why don't I just join a gym you ask? Well because they are hellishly expensive here. There's one gym on the island and it costs $150 a month to be a member, plus a $500 yearly fee. No thank you.

- Fresh and healthy produce is hard to come by. And when I can find it, it is also hellishly expensive. $10 for a pound of strawberries anyone? No? Me either. And a lot of other fruits, veggies, lean cuts of meat and fish are just as expensive. Salmon is $20 by the pound here. Outrageous.

- All of that plus the fact that I have a chef as a boyfriend, who cooks food full of fat and butter and cholesterol and salt and other yummy goodness.

The good news is that 10 pounds isn't the end of the world. And even when I feel like a fatty, I've never been bigger than a size 8. So I do take some comfort in the fact that I have awesome genes. Thanks mom! But I do need to figure something out, and soon. Because another 10 pounds is not acceptable!

Voicemails

I. Hate. Voicemails. I think they are evil. I currently have 19 new voicemails on my phone and I refuse to listen to them. There are special instances where I LOVE messages, but 97% of the time I hate voicemails. Text me instead.

Friday Mind Dump

* It's been a bit since I last blogged! I've been busy getting settled and reacquainted with the island and friends:)

* I have a new job which I'm pretty excited about! I help run the St John Inn. It's different than anything else I've done, but I like it, the work is interesting and it keeps me busy!

* No matter how often I douse myself in bug spray, the "no see-ems" are constantly attacking me. Add to that the fact that dengue fever is going around again, I'm freaking out. And itchy. I'm tempted to apply 100% DEET onto my skin.

* I'm happier right now than I have been in months. Although I have to be honest and say that while I am hoping for the best, a part of me is still wary. So I would say that I am hesitantly optimistic. And I'm okay with that for right now.

* I'm undecided on how to spend my afternoon after I'm through with work today. I need to do laundry, but I'm sleepy and I want a nap, but I also need a pedicure!! Although, let's be honest: I doubt I'll be getting any laundry done today. So sleep or pretty toes?

* I'm super excited about this weekend!! Sleeping late, breakfast at Donkey Diner, sailing, and going to see live music tonight and tomorrow night!!

* I'm reading a new book called Year of Wonders and I'm totally and utterly bored by it! I need some new reading suggestions.

I hope you all have a fun and/or relaxing weekend ahead of you too! Happy Friday:)