Boobs

So I'm thinking of getting my boobs done. Thoughts? Experiences? Feel free to email instead of comment if you'd like:)

Not Much to Say

For now I am doing an awesome job of not thinking too much. I'm sort of just floating through my days. I don't have much to say about anything really.

I am happy though.

Happy Monday.

Surprise?!

I know this is going to come as a surprise and even a shock to some people, but I've moved back to St. John, USVI. I was surprised and shocked too! It was a decision and a move that was made and done very quickly. I am sure there are lots of you who will disagree, or even be disappointed by my decision. And all I can say is that I did what I thought would make me happy.

Thank you for your support. And if supportive is not what you feel, then thank you for refraining from saying anything awful! I really do appreciate it:)

Happy Thursday all!!

#83 See a movie that makes me cry

Obviously this isn't something that I could really plan. So I figured when it would happen, it would happen. And it happened last night. As I said before, I'm in the middle of being obsessed with movies. I watch one every single day. Some days I watch two! Last night was one of those nights. I got home around 5:30p and immediately changed into my pjs, curled up with Migi and started a movie night. This is one of the movies I watched:

I wish I had been a bit more prepared for this. I hadn't seen the previews, nor did I read a synopsis of the movie. The only thing I can recall hearing about it was that it had an amazing cast and was produced by Tyler Perry. I thought it was going to be a feel-good, female empowering sort of movie. 

It wasn't. This movie made me sad to be black, sad to be a woman and made me want to hate black men. And let me make clear that NONE of these are my real feelings, nor have I ever felt that way. As a matter of fact, I usually feel the exact opposite! I was shocked at how depressing and heart-wrenching this movie was! And the crying I did was not "I'm so touched by this" crying. This crying was more "This is extremely sad and painful and uncomfortable to watch and I identify with too many of these scenarios and they remind me of my own depressing situation/experience/childhood" sort of crying.

So I started sobbing about 45 minutes into it and didn't stop until the credits rolled. And then I was angry. Because I was not ready, nor did I want, to be emotionally attacked and drained by a movie. But I had been. Oh well . Lesson learned.

Have any of you watched this movie? What did you think about it?

All I Do...

... is watch movies these days!! Movies are my friends!! What else is there to do when you're alone and it's so cold out?! I literally go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch a movie and go to bed. Every. Single. Night. I feel 86 instead of 26. Oh well. A few I've seen lately:

Rent this if you like action. It was awesome!

 Old school, interesting and their accents are cute. And based on a true story!

 Sooooo scary. Right up until the very end. Loved it!

 It would have been hotter if Mickey Rourke wasn't so weird looking in it. It was just okay.

 Cute, but so real to the point where some scenes were uncomfortable to watch. I loved it!!! I would see it again.

 Weird and just okay. But I am a Kevin Costner fan.

 Just okay. I wouldn't waste my time if I were you, though!

Baby Blues

My sweet Blueberry is on my mind. I have cried more in the last two days than I have cried in weeks. I have the Baby Blues, though not in the traditional sense of the phrase.

Did I ever share that I think our Blueberry was a little boy? I often wonder what he would look like. Would he have Sky's eyes? My smile? What would his hair be like? What shade of brown would his soft, baby skin be? What nicknames would we have come up with for him? I used to imagine calling him to come eat his dinner. And picking up bugs. And wrestling with Sky. I think about that little boy all of the time.

"How very softly 

You tiptoed into our world

Almost silently;

Only a moment you stayed.

But what an imprint

Your footprints have left

Upon our hearts."

- Dorothy Ferguson

Today I'm Failing

Life is so frustrating right now! Everything that can go wrong, is. I am desperately trying to remember that life is good and that I am young and healthy and that things will get better. But it's hard. Things are really tough right now. Lately I've been trying very hard to be upbeat and optimistic. It usually works, but today I'm failing. I'll try again tomorrow.

Ugly

There is someone who I associate with, in a professional sense, who has an ugly habit of saying ugly things about every group of individuals you can think of that he himself does not belong to. Recently I have heard him make insulting remarks about Jewish people. And women. And Hispanics. And basically anyone who is not white, male and Christian. This makes me angry. And very uncomfortable. I just needed to vent about this.

Yummy

My mind has been occupied with thoughts of Kenny lately!! And I can't wait to see him in concert this year!! Super excited:)

Happy February!!!

I am in LOVE with February!!!! Why?!

* We get to celebrate my favorite thing in the whole entire world: LOVE!!!! I don't care what anyone says. I love, Love, LOVE Valentine's Day. I love that it's cheesy and dopey and mushy and Hallmarky. I am all about the flowers and chocolates and slow dancing and candle light and sexy red dresses (I own several...) and perfume and kisses and... well you get it:) I love Valentine's Day.

* We get to celebrate something else that's my favorite thing in the whole entire world: ME!!!!! My birthday is on the 23rd (coincidentally my favorite number lol) and this year I am turning the BIG 2-7!!!! Ahhhh!!! My inner 16 year old is screaming in shock because WOW does it feel old to say that I'm 27 out loud!!! Last year I spent my birthday drunk and topless on a boat trip to the BVIs. I wonder what this year has in store for me?...

* I also love February because it's the shortest month of the year. Random, I know.

* Specifically I love this February because even though things have been a bit rough in the last few weeks, I have VERY high hopes for this month coming up. I just know that things are going to get so much better, and very soon!!

I am so full of happiness and love and hope and joy right now!! This is going to be an awesome 28 days!!! I can feel it!!!!

Is It Me?

This weekend I had a falling out with a mom friend that I have know for nearly 5 years. I felt like it came out of left field, and I was stunned and hurt, to say the least, about the things she said about me. She wrote me an email cancelling all babysitting and house sitting dates, without explanation, that we had booked over the next four months. After sending a very short email back stating that I would update my calendar, she wrote back a very long, detailed email explaining why she was "backing off" from me. In it she accused me of being "untrustworthy" and said she felt as if she didn't know who I was as a person, all because of something that happened recently in my private life. I was so hurt and sad and then I was angry! This is someone who, at one time, I had worked extremely closely with.  When I first met her she had two small children. I was more of a mother's helper than a nanny. I would help her around the house and be an extra set of hands however she needed. For a year or so I would be at her house for about 30 hours a week. It was a close working relationship that quickly turned into a friendship.

From a professional viewpoint in my line of work as a nanny, trustworthiness is obviously an enormous asset and not something you would EVER want someone questioning. I have access to people's homes, children, cars and often times, money and valuables. In my 7 years as a nanny and 14 years as a babysitter I have done everything in my power to prove how open, honest and trustworthy I am. Without those qualities, I wouldn't have a job. And if you don't mind me saying my background, experience, and reputation as a nanny is exceptional. I would bet my life on that!

From a personal standpoint I'm the biggest freaking open book you have ever met!! I dare anyone to contradict me on that one. I tell everyone almost everything about me. And if you've spent any amount of time around me you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and my feelings on my face. And I'm a huge believer in honesty being the best policy. What's untrustworthy sounding about anything I just described?!

This mom is someone I loved, respected, admired and held in high esteem. And up until this past weekend, I thought that she felt the same about me. She has never had a bad or condemning word to say about me, ever. Whenever she spoke of me to her family and friends, it was always in glowing terms. So to read this email from her was devastating and completely shocking. I'm still reeling from it.

But I've been thinking the last few days. This past year has been one where I have lost several dear, true (or so I thought!), loving friends. I am starting to wonder, is it me?

Am I doing something to push people away? Am I treating people poorly or differently than I once was? How does someone go from loving you and being your best champion to discarding you and the friendship you built?

Or maybe these ex-friends and I have outgrown each other? I am vastly different than I was 8 years, 4 years or even a year ago. Do people just grow up and grow apart? Or is this just a life lesson about friendships?

I am truly at a loss with this. Some of the people I have lost in the past year were people I just knew I would be old and gray with. It's shocking to me that things can change so quickly sometimes!

The reason she claimed she felt I was untrustworthy was due to a particular person. And ironically enough, I turned to that specific person in search of comfort from her harsh words and judgments. This didn't happen purposefully, but I do think that I felt this person was one of the few people in my life I felt close enough to put my trust and emotions into.

I know this is supposed to teach me a lesson. Everything happens for a reason, right? At least that's what I believe. But at the moment I have yet to grasp what to learn from someone turning on me after 5 years of close friendship and bonding. I wonder if I will ever know!