Friday Favorites

These are my 5 favorite things this week:

1. Reruns of Bones

2. DIY projects (I'm in the middle of 3!)

3. Surfing

4. Our friends Roy & Jessica for gracious entertaining :)

5. YouTube (I've fallen back in love with it)

Lovely Afternoon

Lunch with my friend Jim at Caneel Bay was wonderful! And I was a bit of a bad girl and had a couple of drinks even though I have to work in about an hour... I love Sex on the Beach!!! It's one of my favorites:)

Is It Me?

This weekend I had a falling out with a mom friend that I have know for nearly 5 years. I felt like it came out of left field, and I was stunned and hurt, to say the least, about the things she said about me. She wrote me an email cancelling all babysitting and house sitting dates, without explanation, that we had booked over the next four months. After sending a very short email back stating that I would update my calendar, she wrote back a very long, detailed email explaining why she was "backing off" from me. In it she accused me of being "untrustworthy" and said she felt as if she didn't know who I was as a person, all because of something that happened recently in my private life. I was so hurt and sad and then I was angry! This is someone who, at one time, I had worked extremely closely with.  When I first met her she had two small children. I was more of a mother's helper than a nanny. I would help her around the house and be an extra set of hands however she needed. For a year or so I would be at her house for about 30 hours a week. It was a close working relationship that quickly turned into a friendship.

From a professional viewpoint in my line of work as a nanny, trustworthiness is obviously an enormous asset and not something you would EVER want someone questioning. I have access to people's homes, children, cars and often times, money and valuables. In my 7 years as a nanny and 14 years as a babysitter I have done everything in my power to prove how open, honest and trustworthy I am. Without those qualities, I wouldn't have a job. And if you don't mind me saying my background, experience, and reputation as a nanny is exceptional. I would bet my life on that!

From a personal standpoint I'm the biggest freaking open book you have ever met!! I dare anyone to contradict me on that one. I tell everyone almost everything about me. And if you've spent any amount of time around me you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and my feelings on my face. And I'm a huge believer in honesty being the best policy. What's untrustworthy sounding about anything I just described?!

This mom is someone I loved, respected, admired and held in high esteem. And up until this past weekend, I thought that she felt the same about me. She has never had a bad or condemning word to say about me, ever. Whenever she spoke of me to her family and friends, it was always in glowing terms. So to read this email from her was devastating and completely shocking. I'm still reeling from it.

But I've been thinking the last few days. This past year has been one where I have lost several dear, true (or so I thought!), loving friends. I am starting to wonder, is it me?

Am I doing something to push people away? Am I treating people poorly or differently than I once was? How does someone go from loving you and being your best champion to discarding you and the friendship you built?

Or maybe these ex-friends and I have outgrown each other? I am vastly different than I was 8 years, 4 years or even a year ago. Do people just grow up and grow apart? Or is this just a life lesson about friendships?

I am truly at a loss with this. Some of the people I have lost in the past year were people I just knew I would be old and gray with. It's shocking to me that things can change so quickly sometimes!

The reason she claimed she felt I was untrustworthy was due to a particular person. And ironically enough, I turned to that specific person in search of comfort from her harsh words and judgments. This didn't happen purposefully, but I do think that I felt this person was one of the few people in my life I felt close enough to put my trust and emotions into.

I know this is supposed to teach me a lesson. Everything happens for a reason, right? At least that's what I believe. But at the moment I have yet to grasp what to learn from someone turning on me after 5 years of close friendship and bonding. I wonder if I will ever know!

A Good Friend

Today I lost someone I considered a good friend. With all the loss in my life lately I did not take it lightly. At first I was so angry at what was being said to me and about me, but as the day went on all I felt was sadness and hurt. I'm not sure where we got our signals crossed, or who misunderstood what, but the damage that is done feels irreparable. Maybe we were just too different. Maybe we wanted different things out of the friendship which caused strain and hurt feelings. Maybe we just misunderstood each other. Or maybe what I'm going through in my life at the moment is just too much to expect someone else to go through with me. Completely understandable. Whatever the reason, my heart is hurting tonight. I know I will always think of this friend. They were an amazing friend, who helped me through an extremely rough time in our too short friendship. I hope this isn't the end of our story. But if it is, I will always be grateful and thankful for the time I had.

Hugs and Kisses

... make life so much better. I am so grateful for everyone who has shown me these simple, little gestures. They really, really make a world of difference. Would I be here without these small tokens of love and kindness? I think not.

So Productive!!

I'm so proud of myself!! These last few days have been so productive for me. I have a to do list a mile long but I'm slowly checking it off. I've been to the doctor for my final visit, thank God! I've had my car in two different auto repair shops getting various (and expensive!) things fixed on it. I've had to do my emissions, and get my tags updated. I've found a storage unit that I have to start moving my things into tomorrow. And I have to yet to see any of my friends since coming back! So this weekend is dedicated to quality time for my friends and family. Especially since I'm heading back to St John for a few weeks. I just need time to recuperate and be with Sky. And after the holidays are over, we'll be back on track with our plans for moving to Atlanta.

Today has been a good day. Since all of my errands for the day are done I'm hanging out with my favorite girls (Denise & Sadie) and feeling like life is pretty okay. I hope it only gets better from here on out!!