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I'm heartbroken these days. Not even 4 months after Sky and I got married, we are splitting up. I feel like a failure on so many levels. The reason we're calling it quits is because I was physically abused in the marriage, and I no longer feel safe or trustful enough to stay. I do believe in staying together when you've committed to marriage, but there are a few absolute deal breakers, in my opinion, and physical violence is definitely one of them.

3 weeks after getting married, I was still walking on clouds. I was loving being a wife, loving the feeling of having tied myself to another person for the rest of my days, still in the stage of looking at each other and saying "Hi husband/wife" then giggling like little kids. I couldn't have been happier! Being in love and married is something I've always wanted and I thought I had finally found it! And then I was physically attacked by the man I swore to love for the rest of my life. It left me scratched, bleeding, bruised, limping and in pain all over. It took me more than a week to completely physically recover. The emotional and mental healing are taking much longer.

After the incident I was confused and hysterical and cried for days. I didn't know what to do. I was here on island without family and only a handful of friends. I was still receiving congratulations on the marriage as I limped around town. Our wedding announcement had just been in the paper the week before. We started seeing a therapist immediately and have been since that happened. But I have come to the realization that what happened was inexcusable and will very likely happen again, and I wish I had left then. All I can say is that I love him and thought he could change and be different.

I am telling this for so many reasons. I feel very alone, and I feel like sharing. I also know statistically that we all probably know someone who has or is currently going through this. I also want to be accountable to myself, which is why I will not keep secret about this. My grandmother was in an abusive relationship as was my mother and now myself. And my childhood was full of abusive and angry people. It's no wonder I am in the situation I am in, but this cycle has got to stop somewhere and we can't change it if we don't talk about it. Hindsight being 20/20, the signs and red flags were all there. I didn't notice or take heed of them. I take some blame in the fact that I stayed despite so many signs telling me not to.

My plans are to move to Colorado as soon as I save enough money for a plane ticket and a month's worth of living expenses. I have a girlfriend there who has welcomed me with open arms, which I am incredibly grateful for. I will continue therapy, start making positive steps towards the life I want, and I'll be staying far, far, away from men, lol. But seriously. When I get on my feet again, I also plan on renewing my volunteer work with abused and homeless women and children. This cause is even closer to my heart than it was before.

Please send positive thoughts and energy and love my way! I'm going through a very hard time and I need it!

Also, until further notice I have no phone. Please Facebook or email me if you need to get in touch.

http://www.domesticviolence.org/