Missing Pieces

I know this is so selfish of me, and I don't like being this way, but it feels like a dagger in my heart every single time I hear about someone being pregnant or giving birth. It literally hurts to hear other's happy baby news. It bothers me that I feel this way. I wonder when, or if, these feelings will ever subside.

I thought making it past my due date would somehow bring me closure. I imagined that it would be a metaphorical door closing on my sadness and grief; I imagined it being left behind for good. It hasn't been that way. Now instead of silently keeping track of how far along in my pregnancy I should be, I'm silently keeping track of how old my baby would be. This pain is heartbreaking and never far from my mind. I'm not sure if anyone, not even Sky, knows how often I think of my Blueberry.

There's a missing piece, a hole in my heart, a chunk of my soul gone. In its place are tears and heartache. Life is so cruel and unfair sometimes. I'm angry and sad that this is something that I'll carry around for the rest of my life.