An Aha! Moment

I'm reading a new book which I think has and will continue to change my perspective on life in a significant way. Buddhism: The Essence is an e-book written by David Tuffley that is described as explaining Buddhism in plain, easy to understand English. I was astounded when I had an Aha! Moment only minutes into the book. What I read stopped me in my tracks. I re-read the passage several times, and took a few minutes to really think about what it was stating, then I felt it just click. I just understood and was astounded that I never thought of things this way before. Here's what I read:



The Four Noble truths are the essence of the Buddha's teaching. They are believed to be the basis of the first sermon that he gave after becoming enlightened.

1. If you are alive, you will suffer

We humans are imperfect creatures, and the world in which we live is also imperfect. As we journey through life we are certain to suffer physical pain from illness and injury, and emotional pain from a host of psychological factors. But not all of our time is spent suffering. Sometimes we experience pleasure and enjoyment. A pleasure-seeking person heightens their suffering because this is an expectation that there should not be suffering in the first place. This expectation leads to self-pity; It's not fair! This shouldn't be happening! Why me?! The first noble truth therefore counsels people to regard suffering as unavoidable.

This was so shocking to me for some reason! I'm sure that this idea is not new, and I'm positive that I've come across this in some other form in my life either through people, books or television. But the reality of it is that this hit me as if I had never heard it before. Although I think I just never understood it in this way before.

Everything that's been going wrong for me, has in fact NOT been going wrong. Everything in my life has happened exactly as it should have. For me to think that it was "wrong" for my miscarriage to happen, for me to get sick and go to the hospital, my break-up with Sky, my falling out with my family... None of those things are wrong to have happened. They just happened. They weren't good or nice things, but obviously the Universe or God deemed them necessary things.


I have been so busy being angry with God for "punishing" me that it never occurred to me that it was selfish of me to think in that way. Life just happens. Good things can happen just as often as bad things. And if I accept pleasure and love and joy without question, then it stands to reason that I should do the same for disappointing, sad, hurtful things.


This has absolutely adjusted my outlook on life, especially what I've been through in the last year. I am continuing to read about Buddhism, and I'm starting to practice it again. I have a long way to go on this journey of self love, discovery, recovery, change and acceptance. But I think, at the very least, I'm heading in the right direction.

Friday Mind Dump

* The weather has been yucky the last few days. That wouldn't be so bad if I didn't drive a convertible that currently has no top on it. I've taken to driving around wearing a bright yellow rain slicker! I've gotten some looks but it keeps me dry!

* Very suddenly I am missing Atlanta. A bunch. Could it have something to do with a text convo I had with a friend recently? Why, yes, I think so. Don't you know how easily I am swayed by now? Hmmph. Besides, my love for Atlanta has always been the deepest at spring time. Life in Atlanta in Spring is perfection.

* The bugs have found me again. I have countless no-see-um bites. Boo. But I have rediscovered Skin So Soft, which Granny used to douse on us as children. It keeps the bugs away, but it smells funny! Brings back good memories though.

* I spent $67 at the grocery store yesterday. Here's what I left with: a mini watermelon, a pound of carrots, one squash, one pound of grapes, a bag of pretzels, a pound of chicken, a pound of ground beef, a bag of black beans and rice, a peach cobbler and a bag of ice. How far can $67 get you?

* I'm going through tv withdrawals!!!! The VI went digital so our tv is out until we get cable. And with everything I've heard about the local cable company's customer service, it will be some time before that happens.

* I'm very much looking forward to my next counseling session. It's not for another two weeks, so I'm trying to be patient!

* I'm finally reading Eat, Pray, Love and I can't put it down!! I don't know why it took me so long to start it, but now that I have I am in love with the story and her writing style. I'm even more in love with the book than I am with the movie!

* I've been obsessed with the mini series "Rome" lately. It is extremely graphic and violent, but also very interesting and kind of sexy!

* My intense need to have a dog has passed. Was it a phase or a genuine wish? I'm not sure. We'll see!

* I have put every good vibe I can think of out into the Universe to help me get this job I want so badly! Maybe if you send good vibes too it'll happen for me?! :)


I hope everyone has something wonderful planned for this weekend. I'll be working away! Happy Friday!!!!

Try, Try Again

Is the Universe trying to tell me something? The last 4 times I made appointments for counseling, something has happened. The first counselor I started seeing right after my miscarriage decided she could no longer work with me after only a few sessions. And then the holidays rolled around and I couldn't get in touch with anyone. After the first of the year I found another counselor to start seeing, but he cancelled my appointment due to a family emergency. I never heard from him again! Then I found another therapist but because of my work schedule I kept putting the appointment off. And then I moved back to St John. I found a therapist here that I planned on seeing. I even had an appointment! But then I had the whole hospital debacle and had to cancel my appointment. I have yet to call her back.

Why on earth am I not able to find and keep a counselor? Is the Universe telling me something?! I do believe everything happens for a reason! Maybe I just haven't found the right one yet...

Four Words

The. Week. From. Hell.

These four words sum up the last week for me. The Universe is seriously kicking my ass right now!!! But I don't know why!! But even as I write this I am laughing hysterically, partly because one of my little girls just said the funniest thing EVER, and partly because you can only cry so much at how much life sucks sometimes.

So in saying that, I hope your Thursday is going a hell of a lot better than mine!!!