I'm Living It

Naturally, this being a small island and knowing so many people, I run into friendly faces every day asking how life is. Often in these conversations, knowing that Sky and I were recently wed, friends ask how married life is going. When I tell them not well and that I'm leaving island, they are usually shocked! They want to know why, what's going on, what happened for things to change so suddenly when we seemed so happy? And I'm honest... I tell them I'm leaving my marriage because it's abusive. I know that marriage is a serious undertaking, and I went into it happily and willingly. I never imagined, though, that three weeks in I would be physically abused and put into the situation of choosing between the man I love and my own safety. That was definitely not a part of the happily ever after I had in mind! Once friends know the circumstances of my leaving, most have been very supportive of me, telling me I'm doing the right thing by going. I'm endlessly thankful for all the encouragement and love most people have shown me. Life has been so hard lately and it's the kind words and support being given to me that help me through these sometimes hellish days.

Now on the other hand, I have definitely gotten some responses more along the line of Oh it'll work itself out, Keep trying, Hang in there, Marriage is hard at first but it gets better... And while I agree under normal circumstances, violence against your intimate, married partner seems a deal-breaker no matter the excuse. I think at the end of the day everyone deserves to feel safe, loved, and cherished especially in a marriage where you have promised those virtues to one another. Violently putting your hands on someone is a surefire way to rip those things away and replace them with fear, anxiety, and hurt. Sadly I know, I'm living it.

I look forward to the move, if only to be able to start healing and moving on with my life. I know there are so many exciting, new things to look forward to in Colorado, but the heartbreak and the gravity of this situation is clouding my sunny outlook on things. Only 4 days until I leave island and make a fresh start for myself, and I am alternately excited and terrified, with terror winning out a majority of the time. Universe give me courage and strength please, I need it!

18 Rules for Living

Here are the 18 rules for living according to the Dalai Lama. I'm posting this in my home! So many great things to remember and try to live by...

DALAI LAMA’S 18 RULES FOR LIVING 

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy
it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the
past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Inspiration

~ Inspiration for you and for me and for anyone who needs it. ~

Happy 2012!

Happy Happy New Year friends!

Last year was very much an adventure for me, but then again when isn't life an adventure?! I had many up and downs, learned lots of lessons, gained and lost friends, tried some things for the first time, had a plethora of new experiences both good and bad; I laughed, cried, loved and lived and I am utterly grateful for every single moment! I can't believe another year has come and gone but I'm very much looking forward to all the surprises and gifts that 2012 holds for me! Here's to a beautiful year ahead!

This bright new year is given me

To live each day with zest

To daily grow and try to be

My highest and my best!

-William Arthur Ward

Love & Happiness

Everything I am feeling these days said much more eloquently than I ever could:

Love is the beauty of the soul.

-St Augustine

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

-Aristotle

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.

-Janos Arany

The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.

-Ashley Montagu

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

-George Sand

Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for.

- Barry Neil Kaufman

Love one another and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that.

-Michael Leunig

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.

- Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

There is no remedy for love but to love more.

-Henry David Thoreau

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.

- Barbara de Angelis

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

- Robert Heinlein

Household Hang-Ups

I don't like to clean. Actually that's being too nice about it. I hate to clean. I absolutely despise it. I don't mind putting dishes into the dishwasher (which we don't have), I'm fine with doing laundry, occasionally I like to dust, or even mop the floors with a Swiffer, but I HATE cleaning. I'm great at picking up, organizing (when I feel like it), and straightening. I don't want to sound like I never lift a finger. But I don't like scrubbing anything, dirt grosses me out and I'm just going to be honest: I feel like I have better things to do than clean. Sky doesn't like to clean either. And although he is (self admittedly) a slob, I'm totally okay with the fact that he doesn't like to clean any more than I do! My solution to this problem seems simple enough: I'd like to hire a maid. It's not that expensive here, it helps someone else who needs work (and money!) and both Sky and I are free to spend our time doing whatever we like instead of having to clean! AND it fits easily into our monthly budget. Sounds like a no-brainer right? Well wrong! Sky and I disagree on this subject. I think we should hire a maid, he thinks I should get over my hang-ups and clean. This is not to say that Sky or I won't clean, because we both do. In saying that, I have decided that I am over it. I don't mean to sound bitchy, I'm just done arguing about it and I am done doing something I don't want to do. We have been debating about whether to have a maid for almost two years now. And I think it's ridiculous! I got angry last night and said "When I was single and wanted a maid, all I had to do was call and book a maid! But now I have to argue with someone for two years about having a maid! It's RIDICULOUS!". Then I felt bad about throwing the whole "when I was single" thing in his face. But seriously already!!!! I mean he won't even give me a valid reason as to why he doesn't want one. So we're at a stand-off where the house is concerned. I told him very directly in our most recent conversation that I will work, grocery shop, help with the laundry and take care of the other dozens of things that help run a household, very willingly, happily and with a smile. But I am done cleaning. I am putting my foot down (I can do that, right?). If he wants the house clean, then he can do it, or he can let me hire a maid. It's as simple as that. I figure might as well clear the air and be as honest as possible before we make it official. This is something a lot of couples go through, right?  

Four Agreements

This is a reminder for myself! I've read the book but my copy is in storage in Atlanta, so I Googled it to refresh my memory. I thought I'd share it here!

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

This Is Your Life

I love, love, love this. So true, so simple and beautiful! 

Growing and Learning

Since Sky and I have been back together, we have talked endlessly about our relationship, our future, our families, our goals, our feelings, the miscarriage, our past... you name it, we've talked about it until we were blue in the face. And that hasn't stopped, and I hope it never does! We both realized that communication is one of the major hurdles in our relationship. It is something that we have been working hard on, and I feel proud to say that our relationship is better than it has ever been. We are both happier now than we've been in some time.

Just this morning Sky said some of the sweetest words I have ever heard come out of his mouth. He told me that we are growing and learning and changing together, and he doesn't want that to stop. It makes me feel so good to know that we both want the best for the other, that we both are committed to this relationship and the other's happiness. There have definitely been rocky, hard times with us. There were times when I had zero faith in the stability and future of our relationship. And I know that he has felt the same. But what matters now is that we have decided to be together and work on making us stronger, healthier and happier. And we are doing it! I am happier and feel more in love with him than I ever have. And the beauty of that is he feels the same way. So here's to growing and learning and changing for the better!

Life is Good

I haven't blogged in some time! One reason is that my laptop has been broken and I've yet to have it fixed. The other reason is that I haven't had too much to say lately! Life, for the most part, has been good and happy and fulfilling recently. I've had a few bad days sprinkled in here and there, but I'll take that over constant sadness any day! Sky and I have been spending a lot of time together with just the two of us. We've put a lot of energy and work into our relationship and things are good for us! Our little island (and our livers) are recovering from Carnival which just ended. Summertime is hitting St John full force. The crowds of tourists have visibly thinned, the weather is scorching and the whole town just seems lazy and sleepy. I'm looking forward to doing more of what we've been up to recently: lots of beach days, dinner with friends, movie nights, going sailing, and just hanging out and being happy! Life is good these days:)

Love

"Don't be afraid to fall in love. It's the only thing that matters in life. Fall in love with as many things as possible."

Country Strong

Hindsight

Yes, hindsight is 20/20. Sometimes love blinds you, fools you, lulls you into a false sense of security. Not to take anything from the fact that everything happens for a reason and lessons were learned, but a piece of me wishes I stumbled upon this article 10 months ago. Of course I probably would have dismissed it anyway! And even though it seems like common sense, it's still an interesting but quick read. Are You Ready for a Baby or Not?

Palm Reading

Have you ever had your palm read? I have! It was something I had always wanted to try! I was on a road trip to Nashville in 2009 with my then boyfriend (seriously, what was I thinking with that one?!?) and we walked by a little shop advertising palm reading and we decided to give it a try. I've always read that a lot of times phony psychics will use you to help figure out what you want to hear in your reading. They look at your clothing, who you came with, and your facial expressions to sort of figure you out. So I went in by myself, determined to keep a straight face and not "give anything away".

Since it was my first time getting my palms read, I wasn't really expecting anything one way or the other. I just thought it would be an interesting experience. So I was pretty floored when she began reading, and said some things that were so spot on they were scary! For instance:

* She described my overall personality and view on life.

* She told me how many siblings I grew up with and described to a tee my childhood and current relationships with my family.

* She described the romantic relationship I was in and told me specific things about my boyfriend at the time.

* She detailed my outlook and mindset on finances and money.

* She correctly told me what I did for a living.


And then there are things that she predicted that have since happened:

* She said that I would soon be making a huge move, somewhere near the beach/water. (I immediately thought California; that's always been a dream. STJ wasn't even on my radar at the time).

* She told me that while the man I was with at the time was in love with me, that he was not my soul-mate (duh).

* She predicted that there was a man in my life who still kept in touch with me, and would try to rekindle a romance sometime in the future. She also said it was my decision whether or not to pursue it, but if I did pursue the relationship a second time around, it would work out. (This did happen. I chose not to pursue it).


And then there are several other things that she foretold that haven't happened yet! I have them written down and tucked away. We'll see if they come true some day! What do you think? Have you ever visited a psychic or palm reader?

Today I'm Failing

Life is so frustrating right now! Everything that can go wrong, is. I am desperately trying to remember that life is good and that I am young and healthy and that things will get better. But it's hard. Things are really tough right now. Lately I've been trying very hard to be upbeat and optimistic. It usually works, but today I'm failing. I'll try again tomorrow.

Well...

I decided what to do. And unlike the last time, I made this decision alone, consulted no one, and surprisingly I feel very certain and I don't feel conflicted about it. I made my own bed, and now I will be lying in it, happily.

Happy Monday all!!

Friday Favorites

Today has been such an amazing, beautiful day, and it's far from over!!! Some of my favorite moments from today:

* Waking up smiling and happy
* Dancing in front of the mirror while I got ready for work
* Spritzing on my favorite perfume
* Getting Sadie kisses and giggles
* Having a picnic at the park with the girls
* Swinging on the swings until my legs were sore
* Singing and laughing in the car with the sun shining and the wind blowing
* Eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
* Talking to one of my favorite people on the phone:)
* Laughing at nothing at all!!

I am having such a wonderful, lovely day!! And I just know that this day has many more beautiful moments for me:)

What are your favorite moments, so far, from today?! I hope everyone else is having an incredible day!!! Happy Friday!!!!

Four Words

The. Week. From. Hell.

These four words sum up the last week for me. The Universe is seriously kicking my ass right now!!! But I don't know why!! But even as I write this I am laughing hysterically, partly because one of my little girls just said the funniest thing EVER, and partly because you can only cry so much at how much life sucks sometimes.

So in saying that, I hope your Thursday is going a hell of a lot better than mine!!!