Family Feud

There is something that's been weighing on my mind since that awful, nightmarish trip to Alaska last year: If you don't get along with your partner's family, can the relationship survive?

Sky's mother is one of the rudest, meanest people I have ever met in my life. I don't like her and she doesn't like me. She made this very clear on several occasions, including yesterday. After receiving the Mother's Day card we sent, she emailed Sky berating him for sending the card. She said she didn't want to have anything to do with me and asked why he couldn't understand that. This is just one of the many hateful, insulting things that she's done or said. Sky's brother is distant and can barely manage to say "Hi" to me, and that's if he decides to acknowledge my presence. And Sky's sister-in-law (his brother's wife) is just, well let's just say we'll never be more than passing strangers and I'm beyond fine with that.

While there is no love lost between me and Sky's family, the situation as a whole devastates me. The idea of a close family has always been important to me. My family is not, nor were they ever, close. I've always dreamed that I would meet and marry someone with a large, tight-knit family that I could be a part of. No such luck here.

The issues with Sky's family have definitely had a negative impact on our relationship. It's something that comes up frequently in arguments. And unfortunately I don't ever see it getting better. I guess the only thing to really do is wait and see how things work out.

An Aha! Moment

I'm reading a new book which I think has and will continue to change my perspective on life in a significant way. Buddhism: The Essence is an e-book written by David Tuffley that is described as explaining Buddhism in plain, easy to understand English. I was astounded when I had an Aha! Moment only minutes into the book. What I read stopped me in my tracks. I re-read the passage several times, and took a few minutes to really think about what it was stating, then I felt it just click. I just understood and was astounded that I never thought of things this way before. Here's what I read:



The Four Noble truths are the essence of the Buddha's teaching. They are believed to be the basis of the first sermon that he gave after becoming enlightened.

1. If you are alive, you will suffer

We humans are imperfect creatures, and the world in which we live is also imperfect. As we journey through life we are certain to suffer physical pain from illness and injury, and emotional pain from a host of psychological factors. But not all of our time is spent suffering. Sometimes we experience pleasure and enjoyment. A pleasure-seeking person heightens their suffering because this is an expectation that there should not be suffering in the first place. This expectation leads to self-pity; It's not fair! This shouldn't be happening! Why me?! The first noble truth therefore counsels people to regard suffering as unavoidable.

This was so shocking to me for some reason! I'm sure that this idea is not new, and I'm positive that I've come across this in some other form in my life either through people, books or television. But the reality of it is that this hit me as if I had never heard it before. Although I think I just never understood it in this way before.

Everything that's been going wrong for me, has in fact NOT been going wrong. Everything in my life has happened exactly as it should have. For me to think that it was "wrong" for my miscarriage to happen, for me to get sick and go to the hospital, my break-up with Sky, my falling out with my family... None of those things are wrong to have happened. They just happened. They weren't good or nice things, but obviously the Universe or God deemed them necessary things.


I have been so busy being angry with God for "punishing" me that it never occurred to me that it was selfish of me to think in that way. Life just happens. Good things can happen just as often as bad things. And if I accept pleasure and love and joy without question, then it stands to reason that I should do the same for disappointing, sad, hurtful things.


This has absolutely adjusted my outlook on life, especially what I've been through in the last year. I am continuing to read about Buddhism, and I'm starting to practice it again. I have a long way to go on this journey of self love, discovery, recovery, change and acceptance. But I think, at the very least, I'm heading in the right direction.

New Buddy

His name is Milton. A guest staying at St John Inn gave him to me! He's a good cuddle buddy (the shark, not the guest!). And yes, I wrote an entire post about a stuffed animal!

"Still I Rise"

A classic, a favorite.

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Saturday Mind Dump

* I am so excited about tomorrow: breakfast and Mimosas at my favorite breakfast place, a boat trip to Jost Van Dyke, hanging out on the beach all day, and over to Willy T's for a topless jump if we have time!!!  Tomorrow is going to be amazing!!!!

* I'm seeing my doctor on Tuesday as a follow up to the surgery. I'm not 100% sure everything is healing okay, so I'm nervous! We'll see what he says.

* I'm trying to plan a vacation and I'm a little frustrated. I'm attempting to decide if we should go to Puerto Rico, Tortola, St Croix or somewhere down island. There are too many choices!!! And Sky is not helping at all on this one. I get so overwhelmed with the planning that I just quit and keep putting it off. At this rate we won't vacation until October! And I was shocked to realize that we have never been on a vacation with just the two of us. Weird!

* I think my manager knows I'm goofing off today. She keeps coming in and asking me the same things over and over again. She's not even on duty!!! I wish she would go away!!!! And speak of the devil, guess who just walked through the door AGAIN...

* I need a massage. And a pedicure!! Oh it's been too long since I had a spa day.

* I had a dream about my ex-best friend. In it we both cried and apologized and hugged and said "I love yous". When I woke up I thought it had really happened so I was so happy!! And then I realized it was a dream. That was very much a let-down...

* I met someone yesterday who told me that I was an "old soul" and that this was my "last life here on Earth". Spooky!!! Well I should explain that it was spooky because just recently I started Google-ing and reading everything I could get my hands on about Reincarnation. And this wasn't just a random kooky person. We had a very in-depth conversation about astrology and the Zodiac and reincarnation and all sorts of other interesting things. I thought it was very cool and I'm excited to see him again!

That's all from me!! Happy Saturday!!!!