I'm having a rough day. Last night was a rough night. I feel lost.

Living Aloha

So... I want to move. Again. I've decided my next destination will be Hawaii!! I don't know why I feel so restless lately, but I'm taking the feeling and going with it. I have no mortgage, or kids or any real obligations for that matter, that would hold me in one place. I am young and (relatively) healthy, so off I go! Maybe one of these days I will fall in love with a place enough to want to be there for more than a year or so at a time.

I've been doing non-stop research on Hawaii and Oahu in particular, the island I think I'll be happiest on. I'm trying to get as good of an idea as I can about the cost of living, schools, housing and job market. The only decision I'm still mulling over is whether or not to vacation there first, or just take the leap and move without exploring it. I know logically it would seem like vacationing first is a no-brainer. But I can say from my experience in moving to the Virgin Islands that visiting before moving is nowhere near the same as residing here. I came down to St John four times before I moved here. And I still had a very difficult time adjusting to life on the island. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to really understand how it feels to live somewhere, is to live there!

If I do decide to vacation and then move, I don't think I'll be ready until early next year. If I decide to throw caution to the wind and just go, I'm hoping to be there by Christmas of this year. We'll see what happens! Wish me luck!!

Baby or No Baby?

For some reason, lately, I am really struggling with the decision of whether or not to have children. Let me be clear that I in NO WAY mean anytime soon. I mean in my lifetime. I realistically can't see having children in the next 5 or 6 years, much less right now. I'm not sure why it's on my mind so heavily. Maybe my age has something to do with it? Let me tell you that I no longer believe "ticking biological clock" is a metaphor. I think about babies and children every single day. Some days I know for "certain" that I want kids. And some days you couldn't pay me enough money in the world to get pregnant again. And then again on some days I think maybe adopting or fostering is the path my life will take in the children department. I try not to think about it, but again, it is something that constantly runs through my head on a daily basis.

In saying that, I've come across some interesting reading lately. I have lots of Child-Free friends in a forum that I frequent. They passed on an article about choosing to live a CF lifestyle which is a possibility:
The No Baby Boom

For now I figure I have a good 8 to 10 years before I really have to decide on the whole baby thing. But then again maybe something will happen between now and then to really sway me one way or the other! That still doesn't stop me from thinking about this EVERY SINGLE DAY, but at least I have a cushion of a few years. Until then, an IUD will be my best friend:)

Sunday Mind Dump

* Since my blood transfusion the mosquitoes and no see-ums are much kinder to me. Coincidence? I don't think so!

* I miss D and S more than words!!!! What I wouldn't give to be kept up until 1am by my two favorite giggling girls:)

* I just ran up the stairs for the first time in a month! And then it hurt. But it was fun while I was doing it!

* I'm pretty sure I look kinda hot today. I think.

* There is someone I want to say "You were right" to but I'm too embarrassed. Well that and I'm not sure they even care. So I'll say it here: "You were right!".

* I am obsessed with all things Hawaii these days!!! I want to go soooo badly!!!!!

* I'm not sure if I'm just going through a phase or if I'm just picking the wrong books, but I'm bored by EVERYTHING I'm reading these days. Nothing is holding my attention. It's frustrating.

* I'm recently addicted to Twitter. As if I need anymore time wasters in my life!

* It dawned on me that if I wear heavy duty yellow gloves to clean, that I'm a much better cleaner! They make me brave:)

* I'm excited to see The Simpsons tonight!! And Family Guy!!

I hope everyone had an amazing weekend!!! Happy Sunday evening:)

Try, Try Again

Is the Universe trying to tell me something? The last 4 times I made appointments for counseling, something has happened. The first counselor I started seeing right after my miscarriage decided she could no longer work with me after only a few sessions. And then the holidays rolled around and I couldn't get in touch with anyone. After the first of the year I found another counselor to start seeing, but he cancelled my appointment due to a family emergency. I never heard from him again! Then I found another therapist but because of my work schedule I kept putting the appointment off. And then I moved back to St John. I found a therapist here that I planned on seeing. I even had an appointment! But then I had the whole hospital debacle and had to cancel my appointment. I have yet to call her back.

Why on earth am I not able to find and keep a counselor? Is the Universe telling me something?! I do believe everything happens for a reason! Maybe I just haven't found the right one yet...